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Surprising Reasons Why Men Leave (and How to Handle It)

Author: Brenda Shoshanna

After a relationship ends, whether it’s a 20 year marriage or a promising romance, women ask themselves over and over, what went wrong? They ask themselves, their girlfriends and their therapists. Sometimes they even spend weeks and months blaming themselves and become afraid to try again. Once they know what really happened, it’s always easier to move on.

Below are some top reasons men leave and some guidelines on how to handle this.

They’re Waiting For The Perfect Partner

Some men have a secret fantasy which whispers that a perfect partner is somewhere, around the corner, waiting for him. This perfect partner will not only accept him as he is fully, but he’ll finally be able to express the parts of himself that are hidden. She’ll bring out the best in him. Rather than criticize and make demands, the perfect partner will give unconditionally and fulfill his every need. This fantasy should not be discounted, as it fuels much of this man's inner life. When a woman understands this fantasy fully, she has a secret for helping the man really thrive.

They Hear A Call To Adventure

As soon as some men see a relationship as stifling his basic need for adventure, he can feel himself to be trapped in a prison without bars. Many men then blame the relationship for the dilemma he is in. They do not realize that their true need is to find adventure in the relationship. A woman who does best in this kind of relationship is one who provides challenge.

They Suffer From A Fear Of Commitment

The fear of commitment is widely misunderstood. Commitment is inevitable when a man is living from the truth of who he is. When a man, however, is in a relationship out of obligation, guilt, on or to fulfill a false sense of self-esteem, no real commitment is possible. If he’s not committing, it’s because he doesn’t feel things are right for him.

They Fear That They Can’t Satisfy The Woman

There are some women who can never be satisfied no matter how much a man gives or tries to please. Some men become tied up in knots in these relationships and start to feel terrible about themselves. No matter how hard they try, they can’t get the approval they are hungry for. Some just live for those rare moments when they are acknowledged and thanked.

He’s Acting Out The Repetition Compulsion

The Repetition Compulsion is the unconscious compulsion to repeat a painful situation or relationship over and over, in the hopes it will turn out differently this time. Usually each time is worse, brings more pain and disappointment. Even in the rare instances when the person gets what he wants, the original hunger does not subside. The only solution to this compulsion is to go back to the original trauma, face it fully and work it out.

He’s Involved With The Ghost Of A Past Relationship

These Ghosts are memories, dreams and longings that linger from past relationships, which have been finished but are not over. A man can hold onto the memory of a former wife or lover and idealize her to such an extent, it prevents him from being available to anyone in the present. These memories can also become projected on the current relationship. These men must learn to say forgive the past, say good-bye, and develop the courage to love again.

Here are some Touchstones, (guidelines) for both women and men to help understand relationships better and behave in a way that is helpful for all.

Touchstones For Women

- Realize the turbulence a man goes through often has nothing to do with you - and cannot be avoided.

- Give him space to discover himself, without guilt. His changes do not mean he does not love you. Allow him to be all that he is. Acceptance is love.

- Get busy becoming all the person you can be too. There is nothing worse for a relationship than a man feeling you are clinging to him for your life.

Touchstones For Men

- Restlessness and painful feelings come so you can understand yourself better. Don’t blame them on the relationship. This is not a time to run away, but stay put and understands what is going on inside.

- While you are unsettled and confused is not the best time to act. Choices made during this time are often ruled by feelings and needs from the past.

- Make sure you help the woman realize what you are going through. Do not blame her for it. Be patient with her and yourself.

- Understand that craving other women can become an addiction and escape from intimacy, bringing only more pain and repetition in its wake.

Cc/Dr Brenda Shoshanna/2007

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/surprising-reasons-why-men-leave-and-how-to-handle-it-243912.html

About the Author

Hear men tell you in their own words why they left and what makes a relationship work in eye-opening book on modern relationships - Why Men Leave, http://www.whymenleave.com. Top psychologist,speaker, mediator,and author offers unique guidelines and instructions. Contact at mailto: mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com. Get free ezine and articles http://www.brendashoshanna.com/ Go to: http://www.whymenleave to get your copy right now.

Pros And Cons Of The Age Gap

Author: Graham Billingham

Being with someone who is several years older or younger than you can be both a blessing and a curse. Before you decide to get serious, you should know what you're getting into.

If you're younger...

PROS

You get to be with someone mature. Someone who doesn't "act out" or throw tantrums just because you happened to mention that you have a crush on a celebrity. Also, because of your lover's life experience, he/she can dish out valuable advice that you couldn't get from your friends.

You can learn a thing or two - and I'm not just talking about life lessons. Older people have had more sexual experiences, and if you've got the right lover, he or she won't hesitate to teach you some new "moves".

Your lover is more interesting than people your age. Again, this is mostly because of life experiences. Older men and women have gone through enough problems and opportunities, and they have several funny, inspiring, painful, and horrifying stories to tell. Also, if the age gap is wide enough, the type of music or movies that he or she likes may be completely different from yours, and getting a taste of these "oldies" can help you grow culturally.

CONS

Emotional baggage. The older man and the older woman have enough emotional baggage to drag you down. Beware of verbally psychoanalyzing their actions - it's unlikely that they want a "kid" to tell them what they did wrong in their lives. Instead, be understanding and make sure that your older lover isn't an emotional vampire who will suck you dry.

If you're older...

PROS

The younger man/woman can inspire you with a sense of awe. Having a young, new body next to you can knock a few years off of your own age. You get to do more youthful things, and you tap the mindset of today's youth.

The younger lover doesn't have that much emotional baggage. This means that things are more "happy-go-lucky" and smoother with the younger lover. You won't get late night conversations about every ex that's ever broken his or her heart. Also, there's not much that you can get compared to. Odds are, if he or she says that you're the best sex in his/her life, it's true.

The younger lover looks up to you. This is because of all the advice and life lessons you have to offer. You've been through a lot, and your lover knows this. Odds are, you're the first one he or she talks to during times of conflict.

CONS

The younger lover can be immature. Sometimes, young lovers are such perfectionists that they seek all sorts of things that you can't give. This is why, if you want to go out with someone younger, make sure that he or she is mature for his or her age.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/pros-and-cons-of-the-age-gap-136232.html

About the Author
Graham Billingham writes for DrDating.com a site filled with help and advice for online dating, relationships and love.

Dating Tips and Advice - Guys Don't Need Them to Pick Up Women

Author: Amir Rimer

It seems to me that we are seeking success with women because we believe that if we are successful with women we will experience some sort of great joy and enduring pleasure.

What I said may surprise you.

Moreover, it may also surprise you that success with women is not what you REALLY want.

You only want to be in this state because you believe that this state will serve as a bridge between your current less fulfilling state (emptiness, loneliness, despair, etc...) to a different more pleasurable state (satisfaction, fulfillment, and contentment).

Yet, for some reason the state of being successful with women never seems to materialize. The only place where it usually does is in your head.

So, the inevitable question is: why?

Why are you doing everything that you can to achieve success with women yet fail and why there are some guys who treat women badly, yet achieve all the success they want?

Now the simple answer that most dating gurus give to men is that women are attracted to men that are confident and are repulsed by nice men who radiate neediness and lack of self esteem.

This is very true. This is what is actually going on, but how does this help the guys who lack confidence reach the state of success that the confident guys have.

If you have read any of my articles you probably know by now that I don't believe in giving people positive methods to achieve any physiological endeavors in life.

On the contrary, I believe that we have tried all the positive methods to become successful with women for years and we still find ourselves exactly where we started. Very depressed and confused.

So instead of doing what we have always done and expect different results, let's do things differently in order to experience new results.

Let's forget following a positive system, advice, tip, or guru and concentrate our powers on: Negation of false beliefs.

I tried to explain negation of false beliefs in many ways in the past and in this article I will try to explain it through a fun yet informative allegory.

Imagine yourself living on an island.

The island has two sides to it which are separated by a huge river.

The two sides of the island, X and Y, are occupied with people, yet the people from side X cannot visit the people from side Y (and vice versa) because there isn't any bridge or boat which can help them to cross the huge river.

The "X" side of the island is the side where you want to be (a side populated by confident guys who are extraordinary successful with women).

And the "Y" side is where you currently are (a side populated by "nice" guys who aren't successful with women).

You want to move from where you are (Y) to where you think you should be (X).

The problem is, apart from crossing the huge river, is that people from side Y of the island only accept newcomers who ALREADY have a confident mentality like they do.

So when you ask yourself or other people questions like:

- How can I become successful with women? -

- Can you give me 5 ways / tips / strategies,suggestions to get hot girls?

- Do you know how I can get my ex-girlfriend back?

- Why do women always dump me and then go out with jerks that treat them badly?

The answers you get for your questions, as you see, are not important at all.

What is important is that you currently have the kind of mentality which will not give you access to side "X" of the island.

This may be the most important thing I can tell you, don't forget it.

I will repeat it again in different words, because it is so important!

The questions that you ask are much more important than the answers you get.

The "nice" people who occupy side "Y" of the island are always asking these kind of unproductive questions, which show lack of confidence and are always trying to figure out why they are stuck on the "Y" side of the island.

As I said before, you can only be a part of the community of side "X" of the island if you are acting like its inhabitants from the very beginning.

After you become the kind of person who is thinking, speaking, and acting like the people from side "X", you will not have to do anything at all to cross the huge river. You will suddenly find yourself in side "X".

So the next time you have a burring question which you just can't find answer for, stop for a second and ask yourself the following question very seriously:

From which side of the island am I asking this question?

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/dating-tips-and-advice-guys-dont-need-them-to-pick-up-women-589208.html

About the Author

Amir Rimer gives the complete story on how to attract women, using the most groundbreaking, innovative psychological techniques in the world in his new eBook The Dating Doctrine, which has now become available.
To learn more about how to become a women magnet, download the FREE 7 day mini course he has especially prepared for you at the following link:
http://www.yougetgirl.com

Ten Cool Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend

Author: Jacqui Darbyshire

Especially in a new relationship, getting to know your boyfriend is something you obviously want to do. But rather than interrogating them with serious questions, why not put some fun into it, and take advantage of these 10 cool questions to ask your boyfriend, to see what he has to say!

Being in a relationship is all about learning about each other, and how to communicate with each other. If you are able to keep the light-hearted, you will find that you will learn a lot about them, and gain a greater understanding of the type of person they really are.

So here are 10 cool questions to ask your boyfriend, so that you can get to know each other better:

1.   What is your favourite food (keep this in mind for future special occasions!)?

2.   How would you describe yourself to me in one sentence?

3.   What is the most thoughtful thing you have ever done for your mother?

4.   Apart from me (!), who is your favourite person in the entire world?

5.   What is your favourite thing about me?

6.   What is the most important thing you would like me to know about you?

7.   If there is one thing about me that you could change, what would it be and why?

8.   What is your biggest goal in life?

9.   If you suddenly had the means to do what ever you wanted, what is the first thing you would do?

10. If I were to be your slave for one day, what are the things you would make me do? (Ok, this one could get very naughty, but it’s a fun question to ask!)

All good relationships are based on communicating well, and this will be a great start to get you both talking about your hopes and dreams, how you feel about each other, and what you would like to do in your lives.

These questions should not be asked like an interrogation, but maybe dropped into conversation as you talk about other topics. They are meant to be light-hearted, but we'll definitely help you to get to know him a little better.

Once you know a little bit more about him and what he likes, this will also help you to come up with gift ideas as well, especially if your relationship is a long-term one - and he will never guess that this was ever your motive!

These 10 cool questions to ask your boyfriend will definitely spice up any conversation you are having with your boyfriend, and you never know, you may gain a great deal of knowledge about the workings of his mind! That's not a bad thing when you are getting to know somebody new.

Written by: Jacqui Darbyshire

for more articles visit www.cupids4me.com - find your love online

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/ten-cool-questions-to-ask-your-boyfriend-1108995.html

About the Author

Hi there,
Hope you enjoy my articles, you can read more articles on my website www.cupids4me.com, you never know you might find your love online.

How the Love Quotes Can Improve Your Relationship With Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend for Your Making Up?

Author: dhlim88

How the love quotes can improve your relationship with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend for your making up?

I love collecting and sharing love quotes and also inspirational quotes with family and friends. And I have always received words of 'thank you' from them telling me how much some of these quotes have helped them along their life. I remember a quote which I came across a few years back, "The ability to share and to give yield greater pleasure than to receive." So based on this, I created Symphony of Love to share with people the Positive Power and Wisdom of Love Quotes.

Love Quotes can Spice up your Love Life

A lot of time, soft words of love can easily melt the toughest heart and make you a romantic if you are not one. Not only that, your relationships would surely spice up with a few quotes on love from Symphony of Love. It is said that love can make a poet of you. However, it is quite possible that you may be in love and yet not able to write any love poetry. If you do wish to be able to write something beautiful, Symphony of Love has love quotes that could certainly be a good source of inspiration. Symphony of Love would give you your heart's fill of some of the most romantic thoughts and words.

Love Quotes can help in the Revival of your Love Life

Some love quotes have become great because they have infused and inspired the feelings of love in many people. Symphony of Love has Love quotes that are sure to stir up not only love and romance in your heart but also in the hearts of those you love. As what Leo Buscaglia said, "Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life." Certain love quotes that we come across in a song, book, or movie have also change our attitude towards love and many of these love quotes have become universally accepted truths and common thoughts or ideas.

Love Quotes are the Wisdom of others

Symphony of Love has Love quotes that are the insights of people, who like us, have learnt through their experience. Some of these love quotes are universally applicable precious words of wisdom from which lessons can be learnt. And we can continue to share this wisdom from love quotes with people around us so that they can benefit from love quotes too. Just as what Mother Teresa said, "We can do no great things; only small things with great love."

Love Quotes can make expressing the feeling of Love easier

Some said, "It is easy to fall in love." However, a lot of us would find expressing the feeling of love a whole lot more challenging than being in love. Are you one of those who experience the challenge too? Symphony of Love, with 365 Love Quotes, makes it a whole lot easier for you to express the feeling of love. Love quotes inspire you to write something beautiful to express the feeling of love. One of the ways to express love is to write a love letter. If you are the creative and poetic type, then writing a love letter is probably effortless. However, if you are an ordinary person like me who wants to pen a few lines for our beloved, then Symphony of Love could be of much help. Love quotes help you to rise up to the occasion and fulfil the need of the hour especially when your mind failed to come up with words. One of a few good quotes is, "Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, and then you must forget the rules and play from your heart."

Love Quotes can bring lovers closer

It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is probably why lovers who are apart spend most of their time thinking about each other. If you are living away from your beloved, then Symphony of Love brings both of you closer at heart through the Love Quotes inside. As what Francois de La Rouchefoucauld said, "Absence diminishes small love and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire."

Love Quotes can bring a smile to your beloved

Symphony of Love can definitely bring a smile to the face of your family and friends with all the Love Quotes inside. A few of the sweet and romantic love quotes are by John Clare, "I never saw so sweet a face. As that I stood before. My heart has left it dwelling place and can return no more." by Bill Wilson, "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." and by Alfred Lord Tennyson, "If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever." Use these love quotes to bring a smile to your love ones. You might be surprise too by the effect of these sweet love quotes.

Love Quotes can make Marriage Bliss

Most people would do well with a good love quotes at one time or another especially when they are talking to their loved ones. A good love quote uses at the right time can certainly improve the relationship with your beloved. Love quotes are words of wisdom in relationship. A few very good love quotes about marriage and relationship are by Benjamin Franklin, "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.", by Theodore M. Hesburgh, "Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters." and by Donald Laird, "To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart."

Loves Quotes can heal a broken heart

Love quotes have a special 'healing' power for people. Julie Marie said, "Love is the best medicine, and there is more than enough to go around once you open your heart." And Helen Keller said, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which had been opened for us."

Love Quotes can inspire you to live better life

Love quotes are an inspirational source that drives us forward in our life, helping us to stay afloat in rough seas and giving us the courage to pull through difficult times. A few of the inspirational love quotes which I like are: "In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities" by Janos Arnay, "Where there is love, there is life." by Mahatma Gandhi, "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." by Lao Tzu and "Who so loves believes the impossible." by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Indeed there are many things which I have learnt and am still learning from love quotes on how it can help us to improve our relationship and bringing our relationship to the next level.

Indeed, life is short. Don't let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.

I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.

Can I get her back if I still have feelings for my ex girlfriend?

Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback

You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-the-love-quotes-can-improve-your-relationship-with-your-ex-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-for-your-making-up-591820.html

About the Author

Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com, Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate

Going Too Fast, Going Too Slow

Author: Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Dear Dr. Neder,

What's a good way to enter into a sexual relationship so that you don't go too fast or too slow? Sometimes if the guy goes too fast it can be really threatening to the woman (unless she likes it of course.)

========================
Hello!

This is an excellent question!

The key is to not try to manipulate the relationship to either move too fast OR too slow. You have to let it happen on it's own at its own speed...HOWEVER...

You also need to realize that for men; contrary to the way most women work, we need to get past the physical in order to get to the emotional elements. Until that happens, we never get there! If that doesn't happen within our "window of opportunity" it'll close and you'll NEVER have access to our emotional sides.

Women want the emotional connection first however, so we guys have evolved all sorts of systems in order to make you think we're on the same page with you when in fact, we're not.

The answer then is for women to evolve too. You need to work on growing your sexuality so that you are able to manage the balance between the physical and emotional better. In fact, women control sex whereas men control the relationship itself. It's an interesting balance if you think about it: women want the relationship controlled by men and men want the sex controlled by women!

The biggest problem that I see is women assuming that everyone works the same way you do. Men do not. Thus, you'll often hold off the exact thing you'd need in order to connect with the man you want only to find that he bangs you and leaves!

If you work on your sexuality - embracing it and seeing it for the benefit that it is - the timing of it comes more quickly and easily for you. You don't need to try to manipulate the relationship artificially in order to get what you want. You can get what you want and GIVE what you want at the same time. In effect, both people benefit directly! This isn't threatening at all in this case.

Best regards…
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Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about "Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm" by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at http://BeingAMan.tv.

Copyright (c) 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/going-too-fast-going-too-slow-789492.html

About the Author

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive.

Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to http://beingaman.com.