Posts Tagged ‘Relationship Help’
June 11th, 2011 | 
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Top 10 Reasons Relationships End (Part 1 of 3)
Author: Lilyana Lovela
Hearts do heal. It has been said that time heals all wounds. This is not the case in love. Rather, it is the time we take out to understand and appreciate (right or wrong) our partner's perspective and "their world" that determines recovery or the final ending of any relationship.
Part 2 and 3 of this article is the "Top 10 Ways Recover Your Relationship" as these Top 10 Reasons Relationships End are not without remedy. The below Top 10 are not listed in any priority.
First: sometimes one will leave a relationship because they need life to show them what they lost by walking away and those are the ones that test our patience. Often upon returning enough time and trouble has passed to make the relationship unrecoverable or just not wanted.
Second: others leave because they feel pressure for whatever reason and appropriately or inappropriately have chosen to label their partner as the cause of the pressure or the reason the pressure is not relieved. This lack of communication and possibly misguided perception all too often starts out as an excuse that evolves in to a matter-of-fact the more often they focus and tell others of their troubles, especially since misery loves company. The shared misery is a strong tie that binds. It can and will lead them away.
Third: Unfortunately, we must at least entertain the possibility that not all people are wired to be monogamous. This is a two fold issue. On the one hand there are those who just like to cheat; on the other hand are those who easily fall in love with everyone. For the cheaters there is a thrill of rush and conquest, possibly even revenge and rebellion since they know what they are doing is wrong. In the latter case, those who fall in love with anyone and everyone, they do not see the error of their ways and are highly unlikely to change their ways. These exponential lovers also fail to see the damage they do to others, the dangers of their actions, and the lack of depth of real love that comes with an exclusive, committed, and monogamous relationship.
Fourth: A sense of priorities or strongly held beliefs will supersede any relationship and will always come first. This falls into their perception of who they are and what the believe about the world and their purpose in life. These priorities are the guiding force in their lives and what propels them foreword.
Fifth: Many have a fear of the vulnerability that comes with the intimacy of a deep loving relationship. Some people have been hurt so deeply that as the relationship progresses they reach the danger zone of realizing the possibility of being hurt. Often efforts to assure them and give them security in this regard are met with mistrust and further rejected.
Sixth: Some have what I term as A.D.D.D. or Attention Deficit Dating Disorder as exhibited with most Alpha type personalities. While their Alpha personality makes them powerfully magnetic there are many drawbacks as well as dangers with attempting to establish a relationship with an Alpha type. If, by chance, you are an Alpha personality be prepared to clash at least once to establish who is perse the top dog. Also, realize the danger of too often clashing and harm of insanity of those clashes. Are you both just in it to win it?
Seventh: Living in the shadow of a previous partners love is a no win situation that is not often realized until it is too late. While dating certainly is bad dating etiquette to bring up the subject of any ex. This certainly is a flag not to be ignored, this even if it is a little slip. It means that as they are looking at you they are thinking of someone else which is the last thing anyone wants. If they are stuck in the past you will not find a future with this person.
Eighth: Learned bad relationship habits can be the results of childhood up bring, the influence of friends, and what they believe is acceptable behavior. Just as teaching an old dog new tricks this issue is a tough one because these habits are done without thinking. It is an automatic response.
Ninth: A difference in values will put you both on different tracks of life and a very real challenge for love. Figuratively, one of you will be up all day chasing butterflies and the other up all night chasing fireflies. You may be attracted to each other because of the close similarity but the differences literally put you in a different place doing different things at different times for different reasons.
Tenth: Knowing your partners "Rules" for a relationship is essential. You must know what they expect, and how they perceive a relationship progressing, being established, and leading to commitment. Without knowing their rules you are bound to break them. One lady I know drove 7.5 hours to surprise her boyfriend one Sunday morning with hugs, kisses, and offer of help as he was overwhelmed with work at that time. Instead he perceived her selfless act as intruding on his privacy. As a result with her heart in hands as she rang the door bell expecting the best she was verbally attacked, rejected, and sent the 7.5 hour drive back home in tears! Needless-to-say, the relationship ended shortly thereafter.
Finally, these above reasons are not without remedy. Part 2 and 3 of this article is the "Top 10 Ways Recover Your Relationship" which address these issues in the order in which they do appear within this article.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/top-10-reasons-relationships-end-part-1-of-3-1051467.html
About the Author
Lilyana Lovela is a Life Coach and Corporate Culture Director. She studied English Literature and Biology at Kennesaw state University in Kennesaw Georgia. Lilyana Lovela has over 21 years experience facilitating others to reach their highest level of achievement to include building world's first race cars and over one billion dollars in investment real-estate.
To have your relationship questions or concerns considered for a future article contact Lilyana directly at LilyanaLovela@yahoo.com
How To Build Trust In A Relationship - 7 Concrete Tips
Author: S. Williams
Do you think spicing things up will make your relationship stronger? If so you better keep reading this because I have news for you. Sometimes the first things we hear are not always the best answers...like "you have to spice it up" to keep it interesting. When actually being predictable is a better way to build trust in a relationship.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip One
Reliability is the key to building your partners trust. Excitement is great, but predictability forges a better foundation in your relationship. Now, you don't want to be boring (yawn) but you do want your lover to feel safe with you...make sense? Surprise them occasionally with different activities, but always be reliable, and their love for you will grow, as you build trust in your relationship.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Two
If you want your partner to feel safe with you make sure your body language matches your words. If you say one thing but your expression, or body language says another. You will be sending a mixed message, and they will lose trust in your words, and eventually you too. If you don't try to hide your true feelings from your partner, you'll build more trust in your relationship.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Three
You need to have actual respect for your partner...if you do not respect them, they will be able to sense this no matter how you talk or act (see tip2). Two people have to have mutual respect for each other in order for this relationship to survive. If your partner feels that you believe their a competent person you will be building a lot of trust in your relationship.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Four
This one is really a "no-brainer" but it needs to be said anyways. You don't want to keep any secrets (short of a surprise trip/gift) from your partner...OK? All the time and energy that goes into keeping a secret could be put to better use. After all when did a lie ever build trust in any kind of relationship?
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Five
Open communication is a big key in sustaining a meaningful relationship. If you have something to tell your partner let him/her know what it is. The longer you sit on a problem, the bigger it becomes. Pretty soon it's bigger than both of you and now you're screwed. Don't let lack (or fear) of communication weaken the foundation of trust in your relationship.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Six
Stand your ground...don't be a push over. It's hard to respect someone (see tip 3) if they always bend and never stand up to their partner. He/she will think more of you if you stand your ground once in a while, and fight to be heard. Showing your strong character will actually build the foundation of trust in your relationship much faster, than being a "push over."
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Seven
Growth is essential to the survival of just about anything on this planet. Your relationship is no different. Don't be afraid to "get your hands dirty" once in a while. What I mean is do not be afraid to color outside of the lines to make your point. Sometimes you have to be willing to lose your partner by bringing up issues they don't want to (but need to) face. You will actually build their respect towards you while building the trust in your relationship as well.
I hope these seven tips have helped you understand a little more about how a healthy relationship works. If you have any questions about this article, please leave me a comment on my Blog in the comment box. What can I do to help you build trust in your relationship? Or better yet; What can you do today to build more trust between you and your partner?
Until next time,
S. Williams
~I know that love hurts but with my help you"ll get strong enough to kick loves ass~
http://www.howtokicklovesass.com
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/how-to-build-trust-in-a-relationship-7-concrete-tips-819043.html
About the Author
S.Williams is an accomplished Relationship Adviser, who has helped many people get back together with their ex.
He has written many articles and will work one-on-one with you, to help you follow the best plan out there...to win back your ex.
You can sign up for his free videos, tips, and advice by just clicking here. Do it today, so you can have a better tomorrow. ~I know that "love hurts" but with his help you will get strong enough to kick love's ass.~
Relationship Advice Men Should Seriously Consider
Author: Bill Gatton
The relationship advice men follow is usually pretty far and few between. Most men like to automatically assume they're doing everything right and the woman is just crazy, even when it's exactly the opposite. That's not to say that women aren't guilty of the same thing, but more often men ignore that they are at fault.
The biggest difference between men and women is how sensitive they are. Men don't take emotion into consideration as much as women do, there is no doubt about that. On the flip side, women look for dual meanings in most things that men don't even think twice about. So it's easy to see how the two sides can get into conflict so often.
Most of the time when looking for relationship advice, men look into why women act the way they do and not into what they themselves are doing wrong. Some men feel like talking to their girlfriend isn't much different from walking on eggshells, and it really shouldn't be this way. The main problem for men is that they don't communicate in a way that women see as positive and informative. A lot of men tend to keep descriptions brief and don't like to go into detail much unless it's going to benefit them in some way, which women see as a sign as disconnection pretty often. Men just don't feel the need to divulge every bit of information about everything unless they need to, and women do the exact opposite in most cases.
Open yourself up a little bit more and give your girlfriend or wife that little bit of extra information to let them feel like they're "in the know", it will make them feel better. You can open up communication about pretty much anything besides other women and it's almost guaranteed that she will be much happier with you -- because women like to communicate in any way possible and they expect you to do the same, even if they know that it's highly unlikely. Communicating openly with your girlfriend or wife will make her feel like you love her, even if you say it and show it in different ways.
Yes, it's a pain to have to change the way to talk and act for the woman you care about, but sometimes love is about making changes and sacrifices. It's not going to hurt you to be more positive and more talkative. As a matter of fact, it's going to do the exact opposite of hurt you, in more ways that one. Of all the advice I've ever gotten or given when it comes to love, this relationship advice men follow the most and get the best results from.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/relationship-advice-men-should-seriously-consider-909155.html
About the Author
For more detailed top notch reationship advice men will find unbelievable, then visit the #1 relationship & dating advice resource on the net: http://Relationships-Advice.net
Posted in Get an ex back | 
Tags: dating advice, relationship advice, relationship advice men, Relationship Help | 
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Universal Christian Relationship Advice
Author: Bill Gatton
Whether you're a Christian who is just in a relationship or whether you are married to the person you love, things can be difficult. If you're in a relationship you don't have to keep things together through the thick and thin: if things get too difficult and you can't find a way to fix things, you can move on and try to find another like-minded Christian to settle down with. If you're married, there is a whole different set of problems you must face. This Christian relationship advice can adhere to you, no
matter your situation.
Pray together: Many Christian couples, married or not, skip this unless they are at church -- they simply don't realize the power of praying together. Reaching out and asking the Lord for guidance can bring about new solutions to your relationship problems and save you from a possible catastrophe. Pray for guidance, pray for strength, pray for continued love. Open your heart to the Lord and he will open his arms to you and take you under his wing in times of difficulty. Besides being enlightening, when you pray together you strengthen your bonds with not only the Lord, but with each other.
Share your thoughts and feelings openly: The key to a happy relationship is being completely open with your significant other, whether you're married or not there yet. Keeping your line of communication open can stave off difficulties between the two of you in the future and can be a great weight off your shoulders. Be open with your partner and they will be open with you.
Resist temptation: For a couple who is no yet married but feel they are deeply in love, resisting the urge to commit one of the biggest sins imaginable (premarital sex) can be one of the most difficult things in the world. If you are tempted, pray to the Lord for guidance and keep your head on your shoulders. Maybe distance yourself for a couple of days to regain your composure and build up your faith and resistance. The wait is worth it, it's just a matter of time.
If you're married and having a difficult time resisting the temptations of extramarital affairs, you need to distance yourself as far as possible from the person tempting you. Consult the Lord and find an exact answer to your problem. Non-Christians are not the only ones tempted by those outside of the marriage, but you have an extra line of defense to protect you from ruining everything: Your belief in Jesus Christ. Christian relationship advice on this topic is vague, because no one likes to speak about it or admit that temptation does happen. Be strong and believe in yourself and our Load and Savor.
If you have gotten married, it is your duty to do everything in your power to avoid a divorce. Divorce is looked on harshly by the church and should only be undertaken if your spouse has done something so grave there is no fixing the damage done. Take this bit of Christian relationship advice with you that will make everything in life, not only relationships, easier: Follow the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be pure and saved.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/universal-christian-relationship-advice-917464.html
About the Author
If you would like more Christian relationship advice and other helpful resources, then visit the #1 relationship & dating advice spot on the net: http://Relationships-Advice.net
Posted in Get an ex back |
Tags: christian relationship advice, dating advice, relationship advice, Relationship Help |
9 Comments »
Saving My Relationship...Is It All You Think About?
Author: Kristin Alexander
The drama of relationships breaking up, no matter what the reason, is a painful, gut wrenching experience. You probably feel sad and depressed, your feelings are hurt and you miss your ex love terribly. If you are constantly thinking "saving my relationship is the most important thing" then it's time to step back and look at how you're going to proceed.
There are many websites, books, blogs, forums and even courses all about love breaking up. Advice is everywhere to tell you how should you go about healing a relationship, but just a good dose of common sense can really make a difference after a breakup. You can also be sure that common courtesy will go a long way toward healing relationships. Breaking up does not always mean it's over, so continue reading to discover some very good ways to save your relationship.
First and foremost don't play games. Treating a relationship like a game is very foolish, but unfortunately sometimes a desperate person will resort to manipulating the situation by trying to cause the other person to be jealous or lying because it gives them a sense of power. After serious dating, breaking up can be devastating, but while it might feel good in the moment to manipulate things, it won't feel good for long. Eventually you'll realize that lying and manipulating the other person isn't a good feeling. Anything good that happens because of it will always be tarnished a little because of the lie. If you're dealing with a marriage breaking up it's even more important to stay ethical because the stakes are even higher.
The next thing you must be very careful about is being mean, using sarcasm, and saying things you will later regret. Being in love, breaking up and fearing that you are about to lose your love forever can cause you to act more harshly than you normally would, so uses restraint. Being hurt is part of relationships breaking up, but if you want to save your relationship, hold your tongue and do not attack or blame the other person. Now is the time for understanding.
If you are really serious about reconciling with the person you love then you must think about how you've been acting. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you look forward to seeing and talking to you? Or would you dread it? Do you start arguments, and blame or belittle your ex? If you find yourself doing these things then you must stop! You may feel very hurt and angry, because love breaking up never feels good, but work at controlling your anger and hurt feelings so that your ex love can see you for who you really are and begin to remember the happier times you shared.
These are just the initial steps of finding your way back to each other. This is a process and will take some time, so be patient. All relationships taking a break, need time to grow and change. Relationships breaking up need time to heal and then start to rebuild. Try to remember that no matter how hopeless it looks, take heart because there is help and guidance and love is worth fighting for!
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/saving-my-relationshipis-it-all-you-think-about-3280510.html
About the Author
Take a step by step approach that really works to bringing back your love. If you're wondering what to do next, take action! Discover the secrets to healing your relationship at: http://www.stoprelationshipsbreakingup.com
Dealing With Relationship Break-up: the Do’s and Don’ts When Dealing With Relationship Break-up
Author: Liddi
Don’t you just love having a manual or step-by-step guide handy?
We’re addicted to it, and it’s no wonder why books that deal how to repair your car, mobile phone, or computer step-by-step are always hot and popular.
The ironic part is, when it comes to repairing one of the most important things we can have – a sincere relationship, we have very scarce information about dealing with relationship break-up.
Don’t you think it’s ironic?
After all, fixing your life and love bond is A LOT more important than repairing even the most expensive and glamorous Benz.
It’s of little wonder why people who’re wishing to be dealing with relationship break-up successfully end up doing something that worsens or totally ruins the relationship.
Before you set your foot forward in dealing with relationship break-up (and flunk like the rest), I’ll be spilling down some handy tips that you better keep in mind along the way.
These dealing-with-relationship-break-up tips helped fix hundreds if NOT thousands of marriages – including mine.
And I don’t see any reason why you cannot afford to be without it.
Anyway, let’s roll out the tips on dealing with relationship break-up.
Practical Tip 1 On Dealing With Relationship Break-Up
Calm sown and do NOT panic is the very first and critical step in dealing with relationship break-up.
Break-ups and arguments are emotionally-intense, and the temptation to act on impulse and according to your emotions is very strong.
The bad news is – you could almost instantly end up doping things that will totally ruin and kill your chances. Not something you want to happen when dealing with relationship break-up.
Practical Tip 2 On Dealing With Relationship Break-Up
This one may hurt, but accepting the break-up TEMPORARILY is the second step.
Now before you go ballistic, let me remind you that this acceptance is NOT for good. The purpose behind is to buy yourself some time to clear your head of the confusion and negativity that it’s overflowing with right now.
Think about it: a technician needs a clear and focused mind when fixing a ruined piece of hardware. And you’ll be a relationship technician when dealing with relationship break-up.
You need a calm mind now more than ever.
Practical Tip 3 On Dealing With Relationship Break-Up
Finally, once you’ve done the first 2 tips successfully, it’s time to contact your ex through a note.
Why a note? You may ask.
There are 2 innate advantages of using a note:
1. You get to test the waters and see if your ex is prepared to talk. And who knows? He or she may not be ready to do it face to face. Sending a note dodges that awkward situation.
2. This allows you to speak your mind and soul out. You don’t have to concern yourself with stuttering or NOT knowing what to say when you meet in person.
Let your ex know that you respect her decision and that you’re moving on – YET you look forward to being able to get along with her as friends FOR NOW.
About the Author
You Can Learn The
Exact Steps On Dealing with Relationship Break Up Within The Next 5 Minutes!
Visit TheMagicOfMakingUp.info and be sure to check out the great videos. Also make sure you get a copy of the First Steps to Healing Your Relationship.
Posted in Get an ex back |
Tags: advice fix a broken relationship, break up, Relationship Help |
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Christian Relationship Advice For Young Adults
Author: H Todd Scholer
To make matters worse, Christian relationship advice isn't easy to find. After all, the Scriptures are fairly quiet on the subject of dating. If you're starting to feel lost, here are some things to keep in mind.
Don't feel pressured!
You and only you are responsible for your behavior. Modern society can be pretty casual about things like club hopping and having‚ friends with benefits‚ and it's easy to feel like there's something wrong with you if you don't want those things.
Don't worry, there's nothing wrong about maintaining Christian values, so don't let anyone make you feel like uncool‚ for doing so. Compromise your morals and not only will you be angry with yourself for it, you'll end up with a relationship you're not happy with. There really isn't anything to gain from it.
Get a Christian perspective!
If you're getting your relationship advice from a hodgepodge of self-help books and daytime talk shows, well, you're bound to get confused. If you want solid Christian relationship advice, seek out material by and for Christians.
Advice on things like breaking up, dating someone of a different denomination or a non-Christian, and how far to take physical intimacy are all going to be a little different coming from a Christian than from anyone else. After all, that's the whole point of Christian relationship advice. That's not to say you should only read material written by Christians, of course. Getting a different perspective is useful, too. Just make sure you consider the source before you actually take the advice.
Hang out with other Christians!
Sounds obvious, doesn't it? But do you actually do it? If you want to date Christians, you've got to go where the Christians are. When you're busy with school, work, and other responsibilities, though, it's easy to forget to set a side time for that. You need to make a point of looking for Christian volunteer activities and fellowship groups where you can meet some new people.
Date for marriage!
If you're dating because you want to find a life partner, dating specifically for marriage will save you both time and a whole lot of heartache. Keep in mind, too, that just because a Christian isn't dating just for the chance to sleep around, that doesn't necessarily mean they're dating for marriage. They may just be dating to have some fun on the weekends. Don't be shy about asking your date if they're currently looking for‚ the one. If they're not and you are, you may want to stop seeing them and look for someone more marriage minded.
If you're hoping to find a fulfilling, loving relationship with another devout Christian, have faith that there's someone out there looking for someone like you, too. With a little determination and some trustworthy Christian relationship advice, you stand a pretty good chance of finding them.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/christian-relationship-advice-for-young-adults-2263721.html
About the Author
Emotional Affair: Have You Entered a Danger Zone?
Author: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.
You don't wake up one day and decide to have an affair. You're more likely to gradually enter into the arena of emotional infidelity—and many couples are surprised to discover that this slippery slope begins long before a physical affair is underway. Why is this? Someone starting an emotional affair often denies or minimizes the significance of what is happening ("It's just innocent flirting" or "We're just friends"). Denial allows the emotional affair to crest long before the implications of the affair are fully realized.
What is an emotional affair?
A sexual affair is easy to identify—you're either having sex with someone other than your spouse/partner, or you're not. An emotional affair isn't always that obvious. For instance, is offering emotional support to a coworker you find attractive crossing a line? Should you keep your distance from everyone you find charming? Is there such a thing as "innocent" flirting?
Don't allow these shades of grey to obscure the fact that there are clear warning signs that you are journeying down the treacherous path to an emotional affair. Often these signs have as much to do with your behavior as with your <feelings for another person.
Let's turn our attention to these danger zones.
10 Emotional affair danger zones:
1. You go out of your way to repeatedly "run into" this person. We all look forward to seeing people we enjoy—a particular friend or interesting colleague, for instance. If you're honest with yourself, however, you'll know the difference between a truly coincidental meeting and a "coincidence" that occurs because you stood around the office coffee machine for two hours (and you don't even drink coffee).
2. You say things to this person that you wouldn’t if your spouse/partner was standing next to you. This is an important litmus test to determine if the relationship is starting to cross the emotional affair boundary line.
3. You begin confiding in this person. When you confide in someone, you create a more intimate relationship by sharing information about yourself that isn't shared with just anyone. When you take someone in your confidence, you've elevated the relationship to "special" status.
4. The relationship becomes charged with a secretive, forbidden energy. This creates an "us" dynamic that separates the relationship from all others—the relationship is designated as unique because of its secretive nature. This also imbues the relationship with excitement and an element of danger (in direct contrast to the ho-hum energy of your current relationship).
5. When the kindle of an emotional affair is sparked, you begin to anticipate time spent with this person. Looking forward to spending time with someone other than your spouse isn't inherently wrong or dangerous. But when the foundation of an emotional affair is being poured, this anticipation causes you to feel a longing and level of excitement that should only exist in your marriage.
6. You put on your "best face" to impress this person. When you begin to have feelings for another person, you go out of your way to be charming, funny, sympathetic… The best "you" begins to emerge and you deliberately act in ways to enhance your appeal. A side note: These changes usually mirror how you behaved when you first dated your spouse or partner.
7. You begin having problem-discussions with each other—in other words, you start to share your deepest struggles and intimate longings with this person. These conversations create a powerful no-one-else-understands-me-like-you-do bond.
8. S/he becomes the "go-to person" to share all important news with. While it is human nature to share the events of your life with the people most important to you, once you've entered the gateway of an emotional affair, your spouse/partner becomes less central in your emotional world as your give more of yourself to another person.
9. Before you know it, you can't help comparing the new person to your spouse/partner—and it should be no surprise that your partner fails to make the grade. In your mind's eye (and in the illusion of perfect love), all the differences that stand out for you indicate that this new person will be a superior mate and give you the happiness that has eluded you.
10. You begin lying to your spouse/partner. When your partner asks about your day, you omit any reference to this person (or you go out of your way to minimize his/her significance). This is a clear indication that you have something to hide and is often the first warning sign that an emotional affair is simmering.
If you see yourself entering several of the above emotional danger zones, it will be important to hit the pause button on this new relationship before it's too late. The allure of an emotional affair can create the illusion that perfect love exists and is right around the corner—that the only obstacle to real happiness is your current marriage or relationship.
Before you end up risking everything, take a few deep breaths. Then start to take stock of yourself and your marriage/relationship to see what is missing—becoming emotionally involved with someone else is often just another hurdle to the effort and work that committed relationships require.
To discover more relationship tips, visit www.StrengthenYourRelationship.com and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.
As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/emotional-affair-have-you-entered-a-danger-zone-559643.html
About the Author
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with over fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples build stronger relationships. His relationship advice has been featured in numerous national magazines.
Posted in emotional affairs |
Tags: affair, emotional affair, marriage advice, marriage help, relationship advice, Relationship Help |
9 Comments »
Do You Wish For A More Satisfying And Fulfilling Marriage Relationship?
Author: Calle Zorro
What value, benefit, and blessing does your spouse gain from being with you?
What is it that you bring to your spouse that really augments, enhances, and improves their life?
What do you offer your spouse that is significant and meaningful to them?
What about the other way around...
What value, benefit, and blessing do you gain from being with your spouse?
How does your spouse augment, enhance, and improve your life?
What does your spouse share with you that's significant and meaningful to you?
Sadly, for too many people, their marriage relationship is really nothing more than a "boarding arrangement"...two humans helping each other survive...two people pooling their resources and splitting costs...two friends helping each other with chores and responsibilities...two roommates filling in or standing in for each other when needed.
And, while it is good to have someone standing with you in this manner, it is not enough to satisfy and fulfill a person. If it was, people would just continue living with their brothers and sisters or they would continue to "dorm" with their guy friends or gal friends.
But, it is not enough...people want more...they thought they were getting more when they married...and too often, they end up with nothing more...sometimes even less...than what they had before they married.
How and why does this happen more often than not?
It happens BECAUSE of how each person RELATES to the other. Too frequently, the way people RELATE is based on:
1. Ignorance - primarily, this is a lack of understanding about the opposite sex but it can also be other forms of ignorance such as poor people skills.
2. Selfishness - where a person cares only about their self and their interests, projects, and happiness.
3. Insecurity - fear that causes a person to shut-down and close-up which distances them from their companion.
4. Entitlement - the belief that my spouse should just give me whatever I want with little to no effort or contribution on my part.
5. Laziness - the knowledge that one should and could relate to their spouse in a better way but lacking the desire or motivation to do so.
Without fail, these kinds of RELATING will assuredly drain the very life out of a relationship...draining it of respect, appreciation, attraction, honor, adventure, passion, and fun...leaving people in the "boarding arrangement" that is so unfulfilling and unsatisfying to them.
Soon, bitterness, resentment, and anger begin to build because people feel stuck and trapped. They have children and other long-term obligations and responsibilities that ethically and morally "locks" them into their "boarding arrangement".
But, how come so many people can't seem to fix their marriage relationship?
They can't because they are so actively engaged in pride, ego, stubbornness, resentment, anger, bitterness, hatred, and other negative-emotions that it's easier for them to either distance themselves from their spouse and "live" in an imaginary / pretend / fantasy world...or to step out and seek affection, intimacy, sex, fun, and adventure with an outside person.
What many people don't realize is that there are easy ways to "save face" and let go of pride, ego, and negative-emotions so that a person can do the "right thing" and create the happy, satisfying, fulfilling marriage relationship of their dreams with the spouse they already have.
Having said that, some people don't want to have the relationship of their dreams with their current spouse. They WANT it to be ANOTHER person. Well, that's the pride, ego, and negative-emotions that's driving that kind of response. And, here's what such a person should know: your unhappiness is INSIDE of you and will REMAIN WITH YOU...no matter who the other person in your life is. Your unhappiness will continue wreaking havoc in YOUR life UNTIL you learn how to rise above pride, ego, and negative-emotions.
Actually, your situation will only get worse for you because each new person you move to will only ADD TO the unhappiness that's inside of you.
So, a person must learn to conquer the pride, ego, and negative emotions that block them from the satisfying, fulfilling marriage they so want...they must learn how to relate with their spouse in a way that produces the marriage satisfaction and fulfillment they so strongly desire...they must get the deep-level insight into their spouse...such that with this knowledge (versus ignorance) their marriage relationship is forevermore more satisfying and fulfilling.
Copyright 2010, Article by Calle Zorro of HusbandWifeHelp.com
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/do-you-wish-for-a-more-satisfying-and-fulfilling-marriage-relationship-2165796.html
About the Author
Would you like to zap away everything that's unhappy and unpleasant from your marriage? Would you like to start afresh and anew...remaking your marriage into the wonderful relationship it's supposed to be? Would you like to get the marriage you thought you were getting when you first got married? Whether you need a marriage tune-up, a marriage makeover, or a marriage miracle, and especially, if you've sought marriage counseling or marriage help before and it didn't work, go here: www.HusbandWifeHelp.com
Posted in Get an ex back |
Tags: Do-It-Yourself, mariage, marrage, marraige, marriag, marriage advice, marriage counseling, marriage counselling, marriage enhancement, marriage help, marriage support, relationship advice, relationship enhancement, Relationship Help, relationship support |
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Healthy Relationship, Healthy Self: Build a Stronger Connection Through Self-intimacy
Author: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.
Intimacy is all about connection--the feeling that you and your partner are kindred spirits. The hallmark of a healthy marriage or relationship is feeling close and attuned to your partner, but maintaining this connection isn't always easy. Therefore, finding ways to enhance intimacy is a priority for all couples.
Self-intimacy: A prerequisite to interpersonal intimacy
You are probably in many different relationships: with acquaintances, friends, family, coworkers, to name a few. When you think about the relationships in your life, does your relationship with yourself ever come to mind? Probably not, yet this relationship is central to all of your other relationships.
Self-intimacy is the experience of feeling connected to all of yourself--the parts of yourself you naturally embrace as well as the parts you wish didn't exist. This connection allows you to feel grounded--giving you an emotional center that anchors your experiences. This anchor has an important place in your relationship.
To get a better understanding of your relationship with yourself, reflect on the following questions: "How do I feel about myself? What do I like about myself? Dislike? Hate? Which parts of myself do I find easy to accept? Which parts make me feel uneasy or conflicted?" Your answers to these questions reflect the type of intimate relationship you have with yourself.
Self-Estrangement: A block to interpersonal intimacy
Unfortunately, you may not have access to important parts of yourself. Why? Because you can dislike a part (or parts) of yourself so intensely that you deny its existence. Your denial doesn't mean, however, that these parts do not surface in your relationship--they usually seek expression. When you ignore parts of yourself, you've left the realm of self-intimacy (a connection to yourself) and have entered the world of self-estrangement (a disconnection from yourself).
At one time or another we've all denied certain truths about ourselves, maybe with little consequence--truths that would make us feel vulnerable or ashamed, desperate or inadequate. However, when you're in a relationship, the consequences of self-estrangement are always significant. Why? Because you can never fully hide from your spouse or partner.
When self-intimacy is the norm, you'll be fully present and emotionally available to your partner. When self-estrangement rules your inner world, you will remain disconnected from yourself and your partner. Your relationship is robbed of intimacy whenever you close off aspects of yourself to your partner.
Self-estrangement in action:
The husband who cannot be vulnerable with his wife is self-estranged--he denies his vulnerable self. A wife who minimizes her outbursts is self-estranged--she denies her anger. The girlfriend who ignores her jealousy is self-estranged--she denies her insecurities.
For the last ten years, Chris has worked almost nonstop to become a successful attorney. His driven nature has served him well professionally and he recently made partner at his New York City law firm. To his dismay, Chris's work-related success has always eluded him in his personal relationships.
Chris complains that he often feels distant in his marriage, despite his wife Kendra's encouragement to be more open and share his feelings. Chris is estranged from any emotions that make him feel "weak" or vulnerable. It's his inability to connect with these parts of himself that continues to block intimacy in his marriage.
Chris's first step in breaking out of this self-estrangement pattern is to honestly assess his relationship with himself--in particular, the parts of himself that he wished didn't exist.
Are you ready to assess yourself?
Rate yourself and your relationship intimacy:
Using a scale from one (no intimacy) to ten (very satisfying levels of intimacy), rate the intimacy in your marriage or relationship.
If your rating is relatively high (8 or higher), than you probably don't struggle with self-estrangement. If your rating is relatively low (4 or lower), self-estrangement may be standing in the way of a deeper connection with your partner.
To help determine the impact that your level of self-intimacy has on your marriage or relationship, now rate yourself on the self-intimacy/self-estrangement continuum below:
Self-Intimacy-----------------------------------------------------Self-Estrangement
Pick a spot on this continuum that reflects how connected (or disconnected) you feel to yourself. Try to think about how self-connected you feel in general, since this may shift for you, depending on circumstances. If the spot you choose is closer to the self-intimacy end of the continuum, this means you feel grounded and are able to share yourself fully with your partner; if your spot is closer to the self-estrangement end, you feel disconnected and are unable to share yourself fully with your partner.
Rating yourself can feel a little daunting, so give yourself enough time to adequately reflect on these issues. If it does feel like self-estrangement is holding you (and your relationship) back from achieving the intimacy you desire, speak with someone who can give you support around this issue (your partner, a trusted friend or family member, a counselor). You've already taken an important step by assessing your level of self-intimacy.
Are you ready to build a stronger, more intimate relationship?
To receive FREE monthly tips on how to build the relationship of your dreams, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.
As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/healthy-relationship-healthy-self-build-a-stronger-connection-through-selfintimacy-357973.html
About the Author
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach and psychologist who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich is cofounder of LifeTalk Coaching, an Internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.
Posted in Get an ex back |
Tags: intimacy, Love Relationships, marriage, marriage advice, marriage help, relationship, relationship advice, Relationship Help |
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