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Do You Wish For A More Satisfying And Fulfilling Marriage Relationship?

Author: Calle Zorro

What value, benefit, and blessing does your spouse gain from being with you?

What is it that you bring to your spouse that really augments, enhances, and improves their life?

What do you offer your spouse that is significant and meaningful to them?

What about the other way around...

What value, benefit, and blessing do you gain from being with your spouse?

How does your spouse augment, enhance, and improve your life?

What does your spouse share with you that's significant and meaningful to you?

Sadly, for too many people, their marriage relationship is really nothing more than a "boarding arrangement"...two humans helping each other survive...two people pooling their resources and splitting costs...two friends helping each other with chores and responsibilities...two roommates filling in or standing in for each other when needed.

And, while it is good to have someone standing with you in this manner, it is not enough to satisfy and fulfill a person. If it was, people would just continue living with their brothers and sisters or they would continue to "dorm" with their guy friends or gal friends.

But, it is not enough...people want more...they thought they were getting more when they married...and too often, they end up with nothing more...sometimes even less...than what they had before they married.

How and why does this happen more often than not?

It happens BECAUSE of how each person RELATES to the other. Too frequently, the way people RELATE is based on:

1. Ignorance - primarily, this is a lack of understanding about the opposite sex but it can also be other forms of ignorance such as poor people skills.

2. Selfishness - where a person cares only about their self and their interests, projects, and happiness.

3. Insecurity - fear that causes a person to shut-down and close-up which distances them from their companion.

4. Entitlement - the belief that my spouse should just give me whatever I want with little to no effort or contribution on my part.

5. Laziness - the knowledge that one should and could relate to their spouse in a better way but lacking the desire or motivation to do so.

Without fail, these kinds of RELATING will assuredly drain the very life out of a relationship...draining it of respect, appreciation, attraction, honor, adventure, passion, and fun...leaving people in the "boarding arrangement" that is so unfulfilling and unsatisfying to them.

Soon, bitterness, resentment, and anger begin to build because people feel stuck and trapped. They have children and other long-term obligations and responsibilities that ethically and morally "locks" them into their "boarding arrangement".

But, how come so many people can't seem to fix their marriage relationship?

They can't because they are so actively engaged in pride, ego, stubbornness, resentment, anger, bitterness, hatred, and other negative-emotions that it's easier for them to either distance themselves from their spouse and "live" in an imaginary / pretend / fantasy world...or to step out and seek affection, intimacy, sex, fun, and adventure with an outside person.

What many people don't realize is that there are easy ways to "save face" and let go of pride, ego, and negative-emotions so that a person can do the "right thing" and create the happy, satisfying, fulfilling marriage relationship of their dreams with the spouse they already have.

Having said that, some people don't want to have the relationship of their dreams with their current spouse. They WANT it to be ANOTHER person. Well, that's the pride, ego, and negative-emotions that's driving that kind of response. And, here's what such a person should know: your unhappiness is INSIDE of you and will REMAIN WITH YOU...no matter who the other person in your life is. Your unhappiness will continue wreaking havoc in YOUR life UNTIL you learn how to rise above pride, ego, and negative-emotions.

Actually, your situation will only get worse for you because each new person you move to will only ADD TO the unhappiness that's inside of you.

So, a person must learn to conquer the pride, ego, and negative emotions that block them from the satisfying, fulfilling marriage they so want...they must learn how to relate with their spouse in a way that produces the marriage satisfaction and fulfillment they so strongly desire...they must get the deep-level insight into their spouse...such that with this knowledge (versus ignorance) their marriage relationship is forevermore more satisfying and fulfilling.

Copyright 2010, Article by Calle Zorro of HusbandWifeHelp.com

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/do-you-wish-for-a-more-satisfying-and-fulfilling-marriage-relationship-2165796.html

About the Author

Would you like to zap away everything that's unhappy and unpleasant from your marriage?  Would you like to start afresh and anew...remaking your marriage into the wonderful relationship it's supposed to be?  Would you like to get the marriage you thought you were getting when you first got married?  Whether you need a marriage tune-up, a marriage makeover, or a marriage miracle, and especially, if you've sought marriage counseling or marriage help before and it didn't work, go here:  www.HusbandWifeHelp.com

Healthy Relationship, Healthy Self: Build a Stronger Connection Through Self-intimacy

Author: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

Intimacy is all about connection--the feeling that you and your partner are kindred spirits. The hallmark of a healthy marriage or relationship is feeling close and attuned to your partner, but maintaining this connection isn't always easy. Therefore, finding ways to enhance intimacy is a priority for all couples.

Self-intimacy: A prerequisite to interpersonal intimacy

You are probably in many different relationships: with acquaintances, friends, family, coworkers, to name a few. When you think about the relationships in your life, does your relationship with yourself ever come to mind? Probably not, yet this relationship is central to all of your other relationships.

Self-intimacy is the experience of feeling connected to all of yourself--the parts of yourself you naturally embrace as well as the parts you wish didn't exist. This connection allows you to feel grounded--giving you an emotional center that anchors your experiences. This anchor has an important place in your relationship.

To get a better understanding of your relationship with yourself, reflect on the following questions: "How do I feel about myself? What do I like about myself? Dislike? Hate? Which parts of myself do I find easy to accept? Which parts make me feel uneasy or conflicted?" Your answers to these questions reflect the type of intimate relationship you have with yourself.

Self-Estrangement: A block to interpersonal intimacy

Unfortunately, you may not have access to important parts of yourself. Why? Because you can dislike a part (or parts) of yourself so intensely that you deny its existence. Your denial doesn't mean, however, that these parts do not surface in your relationship--they usually seek expression. When you ignore parts of yourself, you've left the realm of self-intimacy (a connection to yourself) and have entered the world of self-estrangement (a disconnection from yourself).

At one time or another we've all denied certain truths about ourselves, maybe with little consequence--truths that would make us feel vulnerable or ashamed, desperate or inadequate. However, when you're in a relationship, the consequences of self-estrangement are always significant. Why? Because you can never fully hide from your spouse or partner.

When self-intimacy is the norm, you'll be fully present and emotionally available to your partner. When self-estrangement rules your inner world, you will remain disconnected from yourself and your partner. Your relationship is robbed of intimacy whenever you close off aspects of yourself to your partner.

Self-estrangement in action:

The husband who cannot be vulnerable with his wife is self-estranged--he denies his vulnerable self. A wife who minimizes her outbursts is self-estranged--she denies her anger. The girlfriend who ignores her jealousy is self-estranged--she denies her insecurities.

For the last ten years, Chris has worked almost nonstop to become a successful attorney. His driven nature has served him well professionally and he recently made partner at his New York City law firm. To his dismay, Chris's work-related success has always eluded him in his personal relationships.

Chris complains that he often feels distant in his marriage, despite his wife Kendra's encouragement to be more open and share his feelings. Chris is estranged from any emotions that make him feel "weak" or vulnerable. It's his inability to connect with these parts of himself that continues to block intimacy in his marriage.

Chris's first step in breaking out of this self-estrangement pattern is to honestly assess his relationship with himself--in particular, the parts of himself that he wished didn't exist.

Are you ready to assess yourself?

Rate yourself and your relationship intimacy:

Using a scale from one (no intimacy) to ten (very satisfying levels of intimacy), rate the intimacy in your marriage or relationship.

If your rating is relatively high (8 or higher), than you probably don't struggle with self-estrangement. If your rating is relatively low (4 or lower), self-estrangement may be standing in the way of a deeper connection with your partner.

To help determine the impact that your level of self-intimacy has on your marriage or relationship, now rate yourself on the self-intimacy/self-estrangement continuum below:

Self-Intimacy-----------------------------------------------------Self-Estrangement

Pick a spot on this continuum that reflects how connected (or disconnected) you feel to yourself. Try to think about how self-connected you feel in general, since this may shift for you, depending on circumstances. If the spot you choose is closer to the self-intimacy end of the continuum, this means you feel grounded and are able to share yourself fully with your partner; if your spot is closer to the self-estrangement end, you feel disconnected and are unable to share yourself fully with your partner.

Rating yourself can feel a little daunting, so give yourself enough time to adequately reflect on these issues. If it does feel like self-estrangement is holding you (and your relationship) back from achieving the intimacy you desire, speak with someone who can give you support around this issue (your partner, a trusted friend or family member, a counselor). You've already taken an important step by assessing your level of self-intimacy.

Are you ready to build a stronger, more intimate relationship?

To receive FREE monthly tips on how to build the relationship of your dreams, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.

As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/healthy-relationship-healthy-self-build-a-stronger-connection-through-selfintimacy-357973.html

About the Author

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach and psychologist who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich is cofounder of LifeTalk Coaching, an Internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.

Relationship Advice for Those Who Think All Men or Women Are the Same

Author: Jack Ito

If you are like many women who seem to experience the same problems with men from relationship to relationship, you are probably wondering if all men are the same. You have probably heard many times that "all men want the same thing." Some women even come to detest men because of their experiences. Many men think the same about women.

But, if all men really want the same thing, then how do we account for successful relationships? Are they because the women in those relationships are less concerned with men's behavior and so put up with more? Actually, quite the opposite. The women in those relationships have a high self-regard and would not allow their partner to mistreat them.

In fact, all men and women need the same things. We have survival needs such as those for air, shelter, water, food, etc. We also have emotional needs such as to love, feel loved, feel important, feel secure, and to feel like we belong. And sexual desire is not unique to men.

Some men have learned to get these needs met by being subservient, some by being dominant and some by being jerks Each of these kinds of behaviors attracts a different kind of woman. The reason for this is that some women have also learned to get their needs met by being subservient, dominant, outrageous, etc. Why else do you think they would behave this way?

What kind of man do you think a passive woman is attracted to--a domineering man, of course. Not because she likes his arrogant and controlling behavior, but because she knows how to be a partner for such a man. She knows how to get what she needs from such a man, even if at the same time she hates her relationship. She cannot stand him, but she will never leave him.

When these matched relationships do break up, both the man and woman find new partners who similarly match and thus repeat the same patterns in the new relationship. Having the same experience with men and women relationship after relationship, they conclude that all men and all women are the same.

These people think that their only hope lies in finding a man or woman who is exceptional and rare. They see good men or women as 1 in 1000. All the while, they are surrounded by men and women who are quite different from their usual partners. But, their attraction for these people is just not there. Equally, these people are not attracted to them. A man who is not domineering will have little interest in a passive woman.

For single people, the answer does not lie in finding a "rare" 1 in 1000 man or woman. For women, the answer lies in learning to become more like the women who have healthy relationships. They will then be attracted to healthy men and repelled by the unhealthy ones--a reversal of their usual trend. The healthy men will also be attracted to them. What seemed to be rare before will become abundant for the woman who has learned to live in a better way. The same answer is true for single men.

For people who are already in a relationship that they hate, the answer is neither to breakup nor to put up with the relationship. Breakup would just lead to continuing the same pattern with yet another person. Putting up with the relationship will just keep you miserable. Just as for single men and women, working with someone like a relationship coach will help you to change your way of relating to your partner. Your partner's bad ways of getting what he or she wants will no longer work, but they will still be able to get what they need by adjusting to your new behavior. You change, they change, and the relationship changes. In this way one person changing his or herself really can change his or her relationship for the good and break out of a negative pattern and into a positive one.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/relationship-advice-for-those-who-think-all-men-or-women-are-the-same-510372.html

About the Author

Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. For 14 years he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships.
Get your relationship unstuck with the Relationship Coach newsletter and a Free Relationship Planning Guide. Visit the Relationship Coach Blog for daily relationship advice.

Relationship Coach Example of How One Partner Can Help Both

Author: Jack Ito

If your partner is distant, cold, and rejecting, how could working on the relationship by yourself possibly make a difference? In this real life example from a relationship coach, we can see one way it could.

Many people have either wounds from the past that continue to hurt or they have areas of their life that are screaming for attention. It could be a history of abuse, a need for friends, financial problems, career concerns, or any number of things.

When we find a partner while we still have such problems, it does help us to feel better. It's like having someone carry you while you have a thorn in your shoe. As long as your partner takes you to where you want to go and is constantly available for you, then all is well. But, if you have to stand on your own two feet--even for a little while, the pain becomes unbearable. Susan (not her real name) had just such a problem.

Susan had a history of social problems since Junior High School. She was never able to make close friends. She had had a couple of friends for a while, but those relationships had gone badly. When Susan met Erik, she believed that her loneliness was over. She thought that she and Erik would always be together. Whenever they were together, Susan no longer felt that loneliness that she had for many years. She felt loved and important.

After a while, though, Susan and Erik started having problems. Erik would sometimes like to do things with his friends without Susan. At those times, Susan would feel it was "unfair" because she had no friends of her own. She also felt that Erik was abandoning her. She saw his desire to spend time with his friends as an undeserved rejection of her. It made her angry and resentful. Yet, she was also afraid of losing Erik because then she would have no one.

Erik was also becoming resentful. He cared about Susan, but didn't want to give up the fun that he had with his friends. He was also feeling like Susan was demanding that he spend more and more time with her. Their relationship was not fun anymore. This made him withdraw from Susan. Susan experienced the withdrawal as more rejection and became even more demanding. Erik, then felt like withdrawing more. Even when he was with Susan, he didn't feel the same affection for her that he once did.

Even after Erik and Susan broke up, Susan continued to blame Erik and was angry with him long after he had moved on to someone else. She told herself that Erik had used her--at first only pretending to be interested in her and then later dumping her for his friends and for another woman.

Susan had had two chances to have a great relationship with Erik. The first was before they began their relationship. If Susan had worked with a relationship coach or counselor and learned to make friends, then she would not have been needy when she became involved with Erik. She wouldn't have felt desperate or rejected when he spent time with his friends. Erik would not have felt like he was being pressured to take care of her needs at his expense.

Susan had another chance to make her relationship with Erik better during her relationship with him. Susan had considered counseling, but because Erik would not also go, she gave up on it. She thought, how could Erik learn the error of his ways if he didn't attend counseling? Had she had relationship coaching she would have learned more about balancing her social needs by making some friends of her own. Even if Erik were at fault, having friends of her own would surely have made her less dependent and resentful. Erik also, would not have felt like withdrawing. Working on herself, Susan could have created a better relationship with Erik.

There were of course, things that Erik could have done to help the relationship. But, by taking no responsibility for her relationship problems, Susan also became responsible for their breakup. After Erik left her, she soon found another man whom she repeated the same pattern with.

Regardless of the cause of a relationship problem, positive change only needs to begin with one person. Realizing that and working with a relationship coach, you can have a major turnaround in your relationship. If you are waiting for your partner to go to counseling or to make a change, aren't you also the one who is keeping the relationship stuck? If there is anything that you could do to help your relationship, isn't it time to do it?

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/relationship-coach-example-of-how-one-partner-can-help-both-516403.html

About the Author

Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. For 14 years he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships.
Start your relationship experiment with the Relationship Coach newsletter and a Free Relationship Planning Guide. Visit the Relationship Coach Blog for daily relationship advice.

How To Save Relationships - Marriage Made Easy eBook

Author: Ella Burton

Would you like to know more information about how are you going to save one failing relationship because you just can't deny the fact that you are so in love with your partner and you still want to work things out? However, are you totally clueless about how can you bring the love back if the relationship is already getting worse each and every day? Saving the relationship from failing isn't easy at all, but if you really love the person you will do whatever it takes to make things okay again. Here are some tips on how to save relationships from failing:

Click Here For Marriage Made Easy eBook Instant Access Now!

Tip # 1: Try Your Best To Work Things Out Together

If a relationship is already falling down the drain, what you can do to save it from everything that will only hurt the both of you in the end would be trying to work things out with your partner. Try to do everything that you can and try to reach out with your partner; you need to remember that it's important that you tell your partner what you can still both do to make the relationship even better and stronger, because it will really save your relationship from failing.

Tip # 2: Show Everything That You Can To Make Your Partner Feel That You Really Love Her/Him

How to save relationships is just one of the hundred questions people ask everyday especially those who are really having trouble about their love life. What you can actually do to make your partner feel that you are still willing to work things out between the both of you is to show your partner that you still love him/her and you are ready to do whatever it takes to work things out again. Doing this will really help you save your failing relationship.

Tip # 3: Attend A Marriage Counseling

When you feel that the both of you don't seem to work things right in the relationship anymore, it's recommended that you attend a marriage counseling together in order to get advices and tips from professional people who really help people who are going through the same problems like you both do. Don't be shy to ask help because it will really help you.

Now that you know how to save relationships, don't forget to keep yourself determined and persistent to do whatever it takes to bring back the lost love and make your relationship even better than before. Good luck to you and I wish you all the best!

Click Here For Marriage Made Easy eBook Instant Access Now!

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/how-to-save-relationships-marriage-made-easy-ebook-1600863.html

About the Author

This author writes about How To Bring The Love Back and Marriage Made Easy eBook.

Did your husband make it home last night or did he make up some lame excuse about why he wasn't going to be there? Your husband may be cheating on you and practically leaving his infidelity right out in front of your face. Read on to find out signs of a cheating husband.

The signs of a cheating husband could be staring you in the face! Keep reading to find out if he shows any more of the signs.

You should also be aware if he is doing things like hiding the phone bill or the credit card statement when it comes in. If you pick up the phone, does it go silent? If he answers it, is there a quick and whispered conversation before he hangs up, saying it's a wrong number? These are the signs of a cheating husband!

Maybe the dynamic between you and your husband has changed. Perhaps he used to leave you little love notes before going to work and call you in the middle of the day just to hear your voice. While this relationship won't stay this way forever, what happens if you try something like this now? Is he pleasantly surprised or does he get angry and defensive?

You might even be able to find clues of the other woman. He might have a woman's perfume on his clothes or traces of lipstick somewhere. Maybe he's trying to get caught and have everything in the open. The other woman may even be leaving these clues so she can have your man all to herself.

Along with the signs of a cheating husband, you can also sometimes spot the signs of the other woman. When he comes home, you can smell her perfume, or just a different aroma around him. You can see a little trace of lipstick on his neck or on his collar. Some psychologists claim that this is because either subconsciously, he wants to get caught and have it all out in the open, or she is leaving little tell-tale clues around so that you can catch him out and she can have him to herself.

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