Posts Tagged ‘marriage advice’
May 1st, 2011 | 
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How To Build Trust In A Relationship - 7 Concrete Tips
Author: S. Williams
Do you think spicing things up will make your relationship stronger? If so you better keep reading this because I have news for you. Sometimes the first things we hear are not always the best answers...like "you have to spice it up" to keep it interesting. When actually being predictable is a better way to build trust in a relationship.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip One
Reliability is the key to building your partners trust. Excitement is great, but predictability forges a better foundation in your relationship. Now, you don't want to be boring (yawn) but you do want your lover to feel safe with you...make sense? Surprise them occasionally with different activities, but always be reliable, and their love for you will grow, as you build trust in your relationship.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Two
If you want your partner to feel safe with you make sure your body language matches your words. If you say one thing but your expression, or body language says another. You will be sending a mixed message, and they will lose trust in your words, and eventually you too. If you don't try to hide your true feelings from your partner, you'll build more trust in your relationship.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Three
You need to have actual respect for your partner...if you do not respect them, they will be able to sense this no matter how you talk or act (see tip2). Two people have to have mutual respect for each other in order for this relationship to survive. If your partner feels that you believe their a competent person you will be building a lot of trust in your relationship.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Four
This one is really a "no-brainer" but it needs to be said anyways. You don't want to keep any secrets (short of a surprise trip/gift) from your partner...OK? All the time and energy that goes into keeping a secret could be put to better use. After all when did a lie ever build trust in any kind of relationship?
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Five
Open communication is a big key in sustaining a meaningful relationship. If you have something to tell your partner let him/her know what it is. The longer you sit on a problem, the bigger it becomes. Pretty soon it's bigger than both of you and now you're screwed. Don't let lack (or fear) of communication weaken the foundation of trust in your relationship.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Six
Stand your ground...don't be a push over. It's hard to respect someone (see tip 3) if they always bend and never stand up to their partner. He/she will think more of you if you stand your ground once in a while, and fight to be heard. Showing your strong character will actually build the foundation of trust in your relationship much faster, than being a "push over."
How to Build Trust in a Relationship - Concrete Tip Seven
Growth is essential to the survival of just about anything on this planet. Your relationship is no different. Don't be afraid to "get your hands dirty" once in a while. What I mean is do not be afraid to color outside of the lines to make your point. Sometimes you have to be willing to lose your partner by bringing up issues they don't want to (but need to) face. You will actually build their respect towards you while building the trust in your relationship as well.
I hope these seven tips have helped you understand a little more about how a healthy relationship works. If you have any questions about this article, please leave me a comment on my Blog in the comment box. What can I do to help you build trust in your relationship? Or better yet; What can you do today to build more trust between you and your partner?
Until next time,
S. Williams
~I know that love hurts but with my help you"ll get strong enough to kick loves ass~
http://www.howtokicklovesass.com
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/how-to-build-trust-in-a-relationship-7-concrete-tips-819043.html
About the Author
S.Williams is an accomplished Relationship Adviser, who has helped many people get back together with their ex.
He has written many articles and will work one-on-one with you, to help you follow the best plan out there...to win back your ex.
You can sign up for his free videos, tips, and advice by just clicking here. Do it today, so you can have a better tomorrow. ~I know that "love hurts" but with his help you will get strong enough to kick love's ass.~
How Can I Get My Ex Love Back – 4 Tried And Tested Tips
Author: Tom Janic
So your lover broke up with you and you want to get back to the ways things were before, well reading this may give you give you the best 4 tried and tested tips you will find anywhere. The possibility that there is a more than even chance that it was you who did something to cause the break up, so you need to stand back and figure out what it was that you did. Then you can work out how can I get my ex love back.
Where do thinks start to go wrong, and why did your lover walk out on you? Try talking to your ex about where you off the rails, sometimes this direct approach will get then to open up in great detail, of course it is possible that they will not. This big step will at least let them know that you want to get back to the way things used to be, and that you want to make the changes needed.
If you look at my site and video www.waystogetyourexback.info you will find advice that has helped many of my friends.
If they will talk about your problems then you are up and away, however if your ex love will not say what you did, but you still want to try to win them back then try these tips.
1) Show your ex love that you really do care, you also need to show your love, not just talk the talk. Arrange to meet in some place that used to mean a lot to you both at the beginning of your time together, rekindle the romance. If finances permit take your ex out for a nice meal, talk about your feelings and how things used to be, this is a great way to get things moving in the direction you want.
2) After this first ‘date' take things easy pay them more attention, make you ex love feel that that they are the center of your universe. Attention to each other is crucial to any loving relationship, and as you have found out that it was things you did that caused the break up, your attentiveness is even more important. Your new attitude will help to renew their trust in you, just remember you must keep this change going, let them down at this stage and it will be goodbye forever.
3) It should be unnecessary to say that cheating is out!, even if you ex love walked out on you and took up with someone else on the rebound. Trust needs to be at the very heart of your new relationship, if you are still sleeping with someone else then you do not deserve to get a second chance.
4) If your ex love decides that they will move back in with you, at your place or theirs, remember that romance is one thing, but in real life “living together” is about shared responsibilities. For a long and happy relationship you need to show your love constantly, by taking your share of the chores.
These tips are not rocket science, but the life changes they demand need a responsible and mature attitude, on your part. If you have the strength of feelings and the character to carry them through, then you will have answered your own question – how can I get my ex love back.
Long life and happiness is a possibility with your ex love.
Together we have gone through these stages, remember do not be tempted to rush things, give yourselves time to take these emotional steps, you have created the best possible conditions for a positive outcome. Space in this article will not allow me give to you more advice. Please see here for more help and advice How can I get my ex love back.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/how-can-i-get-my-ex-love-back-4-tried-and-tested-tips-1904086.html
About the Author
Tom Janic marriage advisor happily married for 42 years, with all the usual ups and downs. He has been advising on marriage and relationship issues, informally for many years. Hope you find the article useful. How can I get my ex love back.
If you look at my site and video www.waystogetyourexback.info you will find advice that has helped many of my friends.
Affairs and Your Marriage: Why Do Women Cheat?
Author: Brandon Grittini
Infidelity is on the rise. We hear about it more and more each day, especially from celebrities. Many people, when you think about cheating spouses, automatically think that it is a husband cheating on a wife. This, however, is not always the case.
Men are not the only philanderers. Women are also committing adultery. In fact, some studies suggest that almost 50% of married women have had sex outside of their marriage. Cookie Magazine did a study back in May that found 34% of moms admitted to having an affair after they had children, and another 53% say they have thought seriously about having an affair.
This says that it's not just men having affairs. We hear all of the time about why men affairs, but women having affairs never seems to be a focus. So, why do women have affairs?
Women Cheat For Emotional Reasons
Whether it's a lack of communication in their marriage, a need for an emotional connection they are not receiving, or just the desire to feel wanted and beautiful, women are cheating to fill emotional voids their husbands have left them with.
Women also crave the need for security. Men are the blanket that provides this security, and if you as a husband aren't satisfying this need, she will seek it elsewhere. As women age, they tend to feel less and less secure. They begin to question the way they look, feel less attractive, and unable to do things they did when they were younger. Even if these things aren't true, women tend to convince themselves that they are.
If you are not reassuring your wife that she is beautiful and important to you, you are putting your relationship at risk.
Other Reasons Women Cheat
*Sense of Loneliness
*Insecurity
*Disappointment with their spouse
*Depression
*Lack of Romance
Profile of a Female Cheater
Now that we've covered some reasons why women cheat, lets profile the typical female philanderer.
*Women tend to choose partners who are also married. This offers some safety for them, as they have less of a concern to worry about STD's. They also don't have to worry about the "secret" getting out, as the married man also would have no benefit of leaking the truth. Last, it puts a limit on the amount of time they can spend with their lover if he is also married.
*Women who cheat on their spouse are more likely to be a full-time worker. Men in the workplace can tend to make the women feel important, if she is doing a good job, notice the woman, and take an interest in her.
*Women don't jump into affairs. They tend to know the person they are cheating with for a couple of months or more before they actually cheat on their spouse. This proves the stat from Cookie Magazine that 53% of married women with children say they've contemplated an affair.
*They don't always want a "bad boy". In fact, They are looking for the "ideal husband", someone who can provide the security, communication, financial, and emotional needs they currently lack.
Myths About Adultery
As you learn more and more about affairs, you will begin to understand their true meaning and place for existence. You will also be able to dispel some common myths.
1. An affair can help your troubled marriage. No, it cannot help. It will only worsen the problems you are already having. What it can do is open your spouse's eyes to the trouble and ignite a plan to address those problems.
2. Bad Sex Causes People to Have an Affair. No, this is not true either. Sex is just that, sex. It is all the same, really, until you add emotion to it. Sex can become worse if one person feels it is a problem, an insecurity, and begins to turn sex into what it never should be, a performance. Great sex comes from sharing yourself, mentally and emotionally, with your partner, which creates a deep trust between the two of you.
3. Affairs Can Last Forever. False. Affairs die for the same reasons marriages do, the lack of intimacy. If you are having an affair and think it is a wonderful relationship, it is because you are hiding the imperfections from one another. You never truly get to know the real person you are with. If you care enough about getting to know someone, get to know your spouse. Affairs lack the emotion necessary to sustain long term.
What To Do If You Are Tempted To Cheat
I hope you are not tempted to cheat, but if you are, think about it first. Typically when you have this feeling, there are problems going on in your relationship. Try addressing those problems and see if you and your spouse can work through them.
Learn to communicate better with your spouse. Create a transparency, where you know everything about your spouse, and they know everything about you. Spend time together every day, and learn something new about them. Find new activities that you both can enjoy together. Never stop dating your spouse!
Women really crave the emotional things, so men really need to work at giving them those things. If you are a women, you need to share with your husband what you are craving and lacking. If you are a man, work on satisfying those needs. If you do, you can live a happy marriage together!
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/affairs-and-your-marriage-why-do-women-cheat-547137.html
About the Author
If you feel like you have a cheating wife then visit our site to help with recovering from an affair.
Posted in emotional affairs | 
Tags: Adultery, affair, cheating spouse, Cheating Wife, dating help, divorce, Infidelity, marriage advice | 
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An Emotional Affair Almost Crippled a Great Relationship: Here's how we got over it
Author: Susie and Otto Collins
By Susie and Otto Collins
Julie and her boyfriend Pete had everything going right for them. They fell in love, moved in together, both had rewarding careers and they both had plans for a fabulous future together.
Until....
Pete re-connected with his ex-girlfriend from college through a social networking site. At first, all was very innocent and casual. After Pete and his ex began to communicate more frequently on their private e-mail accounts and by phone, things started to get messy.
Although Pete still loved and wanted to be with Julie, he also recognized how much he missed his ex. The last thing he wanted to do was cheat, and so not seeing his ex in person seemed-- to him-- like a good compromise.
Julie, on the other hand, did not agree. When she realized that Pete was spending more time than usual on e-mail and his cell phone, she started to get uncomfortable.
When Pete mentioned that he's been talking again with his ex from college, but that it is "no big deal," it seemed like a huge deal to Julie.
Without necessarily intending to, Pete was engaged in an emotional affair. The effects on his relationship with Julie were significant and crippling.
Here's what they did to stop the downward spiral and prevent a breakup...
Listen to the wake up call.
If you can confirm that an emotional affair is going on, acknowledge it for what it is-- an affair. Even if there is no literal physical contact, infidelity can happen.
Take the presence of an emotional affair as a wake up call for you and your partner.
If you want to stay together, you've got to stop the relationship habits that are moving the two of you apart. This includes the emotional affair as well as many other habits.
Make your relationship connection a priority.
No matter how wonderful your relationship might have seemed to you to be, if an emotional affair has developed, it is taking the two of you apart and it usually signals problems.
Very often affairs-- emotional or other types-- occur when there is an environment of disconnection. One or both of you are not getting your needs met and so you look outside the relationship. We're not just talking about sexual intimacy here.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/infidelity-articles/an-emotional-affair-almost-crippled-a-great-relationship-heres-how-we-got-over-it-3135910.html
About the Author
For a free mini-course from relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins that will teach you how to begin turning trust around in your relationship, visit www.relationshiptrust.com
Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire. They have written these e-books and programs: Magic Relationship Words, Relationship Trust Turnaround, No More Jealousy and Stop Talking on Eggshells, among many others.
Posted in emotional affairs |
Tags: emotional affair, emotional cheating, emotional infidelity, marriage advice, relationship advice |
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Emotional Affair: Have You Entered a Danger Zone?
Author: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.
You don't wake up one day and decide to have an affair. You're more likely to gradually enter into the arena of emotional infidelity—and many couples are surprised to discover that this slippery slope begins long before a physical affair is underway. Why is this? Someone starting an emotional affair often denies or minimizes the significance of what is happening ("It's just innocent flirting" or "We're just friends"). Denial allows the emotional affair to crest long before the implications of the affair are fully realized.
What is an emotional affair?
A sexual affair is easy to identify—you're either having sex with someone other than your spouse/partner, or you're not. An emotional affair isn't always that obvious. For instance, is offering emotional support to a coworker you find attractive crossing a line? Should you keep your distance from everyone you find charming? Is there such a thing as "innocent" flirting?
Don't allow these shades of grey to obscure the fact that there are clear warning signs that you are journeying down the treacherous path to an emotional affair. Often these signs have as much to do with your behavior as with your <feelings for another person.
Let's turn our attention to these danger zones.
10 Emotional affair danger zones:
1. You go out of your way to repeatedly "run into" this person. We all look forward to seeing people we enjoy—a particular friend or interesting colleague, for instance. If you're honest with yourself, however, you'll know the difference between a truly coincidental meeting and a "coincidence" that occurs because you stood around the office coffee machine for two hours (and you don't even drink coffee).
2. You say things to this person that you wouldn’t if your spouse/partner was standing next to you. This is an important litmus test to determine if the relationship is starting to cross the emotional affair boundary line.
3. You begin confiding in this person. When you confide in someone, you create a more intimate relationship by sharing information about yourself that isn't shared with just anyone. When you take someone in your confidence, you've elevated the relationship to "special" status.
4. The relationship becomes charged with a secretive, forbidden energy. This creates an "us" dynamic that separates the relationship from all others—the relationship is designated as unique because of its secretive nature. This also imbues the relationship with excitement and an element of danger (in direct contrast to the ho-hum energy of your current relationship).
5. When the kindle of an emotional affair is sparked, you begin to anticipate time spent with this person. Looking forward to spending time with someone other than your spouse isn't inherently wrong or dangerous. But when the foundation of an emotional affair is being poured, this anticipation causes you to feel a longing and level of excitement that should only exist in your marriage.
6. You put on your "best face" to impress this person. When you begin to have feelings for another person, you go out of your way to be charming, funny, sympathetic… The best "you" begins to emerge and you deliberately act in ways to enhance your appeal. A side note: These changes usually mirror how you behaved when you first dated your spouse or partner.
7. You begin having problem-discussions with each other—in other words, you start to share your deepest struggles and intimate longings with this person. These conversations create a powerful no-one-else-understands-me-like-you-do bond.
8. S/he becomes the "go-to person" to share all important news with. While it is human nature to share the events of your life with the people most important to you, once you've entered the gateway of an emotional affair, your spouse/partner becomes less central in your emotional world as your give more of yourself to another person.
9. Before you know it, you can't help comparing the new person to your spouse/partner—and it should be no surprise that your partner fails to make the grade. In your mind's eye (and in the illusion of perfect love), all the differences that stand out for you indicate that this new person will be a superior mate and give you the happiness that has eluded you.
10. You begin lying to your spouse/partner. When your partner asks about your day, you omit any reference to this person (or you go out of your way to minimize his/her significance). This is a clear indication that you have something to hide and is often the first warning sign that an emotional affair is simmering.
If you see yourself entering several of the above emotional danger zones, it will be important to hit the pause button on this new relationship before it's too late. The allure of an emotional affair can create the illusion that perfect love exists and is right around the corner—that the only obstacle to real happiness is your current marriage or relationship.
Before you end up risking everything, take a few deep breaths. Then start to take stock of yourself and your marriage/relationship to see what is missing—becoming emotionally involved with someone else is often just another hurdle to the effort and work that committed relationships require.
To discover more relationship tips, visit www.StrengthenYourRelationship.com and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.
As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/emotional-affair-have-you-entered-a-danger-zone-559643.html
About the Author
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with over fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples build stronger relationships. His relationship advice has been featured in numerous national magazines.
Posted in emotional affairs |
Tags: affair, emotional affair, marriage advice, marriage help, relationship advice, Relationship Help |
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Do You Wish For A More Satisfying And Fulfilling Marriage Relationship?
Author: Calle Zorro
What value, benefit, and blessing does your spouse gain from being with you?
What is it that you bring to your spouse that really augments, enhances, and improves their life?
What do you offer your spouse that is significant and meaningful to them?
What about the other way around...
What value, benefit, and blessing do you gain from being with your spouse?
How does your spouse augment, enhance, and improve your life?
What does your spouse share with you that's significant and meaningful to you?
Sadly, for too many people, their marriage relationship is really nothing more than a "boarding arrangement"...two humans helping each other survive...two people pooling their resources and splitting costs...two friends helping each other with chores and responsibilities...two roommates filling in or standing in for each other when needed.
And, while it is good to have someone standing with you in this manner, it is not enough to satisfy and fulfill a person. If it was, people would just continue living with their brothers and sisters or they would continue to "dorm" with their guy friends or gal friends.
But, it is not enough...people want more...they thought they were getting more when they married...and too often, they end up with nothing more...sometimes even less...than what they had before they married.
How and why does this happen more often than not?
It happens BECAUSE of how each person RELATES to the other. Too frequently, the way people RELATE is based on:
1. Ignorance - primarily, this is a lack of understanding about the opposite sex but it can also be other forms of ignorance such as poor people skills.
2. Selfishness - where a person cares only about their self and their interests, projects, and happiness.
3. Insecurity - fear that causes a person to shut-down and close-up which distances them from their companion.
4. Entitlement - the belief that my spouse should just give me whatever I want with little to no effort or contribution on my part.
5. Laziness - the knowledge that one should and could relate to their spouse in a better way but lacking the desire or motivation to do so.
Without fail, these kinds of RELATING will assuredly drain the very life out of a relationship...draining it of respect, appreciation, attraction, honor, adventure, passion, and fun...leaving people in the "boarding arrangement" that is so unfulfilling and unsatisfying to them.
Soon, bitterness, resentment, and anger begin to build because people feel stuck and trapped. They have children and other long-term obligations and responsibilities that ethically and morally "locks" them into their "boarding arrangement".
But, how come so many people can't seem to fix their marriage relationship?
They can't because they are so actively engaged in pride, ego, stubbornness, resentment, anger, bitterness, hatred, and other negative-emotions that it's easier for them to either distance themselves from their spouse and "live" in an imaginary / pretend / fantasy world...or to step out and seek affection, intimacy, sex, fun, and adventure with an outside person.
What many people don't realize is that there are easy ways to "save face" and let go of pride, ego, and negative-emotions so that a person can do the "right thing" and create the happy, satisfying, fulfilling marriage relationship of their dreams with the spouse they already have.
Having said that, some people don't want to have the relationship of their dreams with their current spouse. They WANT it to be ANOTHER person. Well, that's the pride, ego, and negative-emotions that's driving that kind of response. And, here's what such a person should know: your unhappiness is INSIDE of you and will REMAIN WITH YOU...no matter who the other person in your life is. Your unhappiness will continue wreaking havoc in YOUR life UNTIL you learn how to rise above pride, ego, and negative-emotions.
Actually, your situation will only get worse for you because each new person you move to will only ADD TO the unhappiness that's inside of you.
So, a person must learn to conquer the pride, ego, and negative emotions that block them from the satisfying, fulfilling marriage they so want...they must learn how to relate with their spouse in a way that produces the marriage satisfaction and fulfillment they so strongly desire...they must get the deep-level insight into their spouse...such that with this knowledge (versus ignorance) their marriage relationship is forevermore more satisfying and fulfilling.
Copyright 2010, Article by Calle Zorro of HusbandWifeHelp.com
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/do-you-wish-for-a-more-satisfying-and-fulfilling-marriage-relationship-2165796.html
About the Author
Would you like to zap away everything that's unhappy and unpleasant from your marriage? Would you like to start afresh and anew...remaking your marriage into the wonderful relationship it's supposed to be? Would you like to get the marriage you thought you were getting when you first got married? Whether you need a marriage tune-up, a marriage makeover, or a marriage miracle, and especially, if you've sought marriage counseling or marriage help before and it didn't work, go here: www.HusbandWifeHelp.com
Posted in Get an ex back |
Tags: Do-It-Yourself, mariage, marrage, marraige, marriag, marriage advice, marriage counseling, marriage counselling, marriage enhancement, marriage help, marriage support, relationship advice, relationship enhancement, Relationship Help, relationship support |
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Healthy Relationship, Healthy Self: Build a Stronger Connection Through Self-intimacy
Author: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.
Intimacy is all about connection--the feeling that you and your partner are kindred spirits. The hallmark of a healthy marriage or relationship is feeling close and attuned to your partner, but maintaining this connection isn't always easy. Therefore, finding ways to enhance intimacy is a priority for all couples.
Self-intimacy: A prerequisite to interpersonal intimacy
You are probably in many different relationships: with acquaintances, friends, family, coworkers, to name a few. When you think about the relationships in your life, does your relationship with yourself ever come to mind? Probably not, yet this relationship is central to all of your other relationships.
Self-intimacy is the experience of feeling connected to all of yourself--the parts of yourself you naturally embrace as well as the parts you wish didn't exist. This connection allows you to feel grounded--giving you an emotional center that anchors your experiences. This anchor has an important place in your relationship.
To get a better understanding of your relationship with yourself, reflect on the following questions: "How do I feel about myself? What do I like about myself? Dislike? Hate? Which parts of myself do I find easy to accept? Which parts make me feel uneasy or conflicted?" Your answers to these questions reflect the type of intimate relationship you have with yourself.
Self-Estrangement: A block to interpersonal intimacy
Unfortunately, you may not have access to important parts of yourself. Why? Because you can dislike a part (or parts) of yourself so intensely that you deny its existence. Your denial doesn't mean, however, that these parts do not surface in your relationship--they usually seek expression. When you ignore parts of yourself, you've left the realm of self-intimacy (a connection to yourself) and have entered the world of self-estrangement (a disconnection from yourself).
At one time or another we've all denied certain truths about ourselves, maybe with little consequence--truths that would make us feel vulnerable or ashamed, desperate or inadequate. However, when you're in a relationship, the consequences of self-estrangement are always significant. Why? Because you can never fully hide from your spouse or partner.
When self-intimacy is the norm, you'll be fully present and emotionally available to your partner. When self-estrangement rules your inner world, you will remain disconnected from yourself and your partner. Your relationship is robbed of intimacy whenever you close off aspects of yourself to your partner.
Self-estrangement in action:
The husband who cannot be vulnerable with his wife is self-estranged--he denies his vulnerable self. A wife who minimizes her outbursts is self-estranged--she denies her anger. The girlfriend who ignores her jealousy is self-estranged--she denies her insecurities.
For the last ten years, Chris has worked almost nonstop to become a successful attorney. His driven nature has served him well professionally and he recently made partner at his New York City law firm. To his dismay, Chris's work-related success has always eluded him in his personal relationships.
Chris complains that he often feels distant in his marriage, despite his wife Kendra's encouragement to be more open and share his feelings. Chris is estranged from any emotions that make him feel "weak" or vulnerable. It's his inability to connect with these parts of himself that continues to block intimacy in his marriage.
Chris's first step in breaking out of this self-estrangement pattern is to honestly assess his relationship with himself--in particular, the parts of himself that he wished didn't exist.
Are you ready to assess yourself?
Rate yourself and your relationship intimacy:
Using a scale from one (no intimacy) to ten (very satisfying levels of intimacy), rate the intimacy in your marriage or relationship.
If your rating is relatively high (8 or higher), than you probably don't struggle with self-estrangement. If your rating is relatively low (4 or lower), self-estrangement may be standing in the way of a deeper connection with your partner.
To help determine the impact that your level of self-intimacy has on your marriage or relationship, now rate yourself on the self-intimacy/self-estrangement continuum below:
Self-Intimacy-----------------------------------------------------Self-Estrangement
Pick a spot on this continuum that reflects how connected (or disconnected) you feel to yourself. Try to think about how self-connected you feel in general, since this may shift for you, depending on circumstances. If the spot you choose is closer to the self-intimacy end of the continuum, this means you feel grounded and are able to share yourself fully with your partner; if your spot is closer to the self-estrangement end, you feel disconnected and are unable to share yourself fully with your partner.
Rating yourself can feel a little daunting, so give yourself enough time to adequately reflect on these issues. If it does feel like self-estrangement is holding you (and your relationship) back from achieving the intimacy you desire, speak with someone who can give you support around this issue (your partner, a trusted friend or family member, a counselor). You've already taken an important step by assessing your level of self-intimacy.
Are you ready to build a stronger, more intimate relationship?
To receive FREE monthly tips on how to build the relationship of your dreams, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.
As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/healthy-relationship-healthy-self-build-a-stronger-connection-through-selfintimacy-357973.html
About the Author
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach and psychologist who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich is cofounder of LifeTalk Coaching, an Internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.
Posted in Get an ex back |
Tags: intimacy, Love Relationships, marriage, marriage advice, marriage help, relationship, relationship advice, Relationship Help |
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Relationship Advice for Those Who Think All Men or Women Are the Same
Author: Jack Ito
If you are like many women who seem to experience the same problems with men from relationship to relationship, you are probably wondering if all men are the same. You have probably heard many times that "all men want the same thing." Some women even come to detest men because of their experiences. Many men think the same about women.
But, if all men really want the same thing, then how do we account for successful relationships? Are they because the women in those relationships are less concerned with men's behavior and so put up with more? Actually, quite the opposite. The women in those relationships have a high self-regard and would not allow their partner to mistreat them.
In fact, all men and women need the same things. We have survival needs such as those for air, shelter, water, food, etc. We also have emotional needs such as to love, feel loved, feel important, feel secure, and to feel like we belong. And sexual desire is not unique to men.
Some men have learned to get these needs met by being subservient, some by being dominant and some by being jerks Each of these kinds of behaviors attracts a different kind of woman. The reason for this is that some women have also learned to get their needs met by being subservient, dominant, outrageous, etc. Why else do you think they would behave this way?
What kind of man do you think a passive woman is attracted to--a domineering man, of course. Not because she likes his arrogant and controlling behavior, but because she knows how to be a partner for such a man. She knows how to get what she needs from such a man, even if at the same time she hates her relationship. She cannot stand him, but she will never leave him.
When these matched relationships do break up, both the man and woman find new partners who similarly match and thus repeat the same patterns in the new relationship. Having the same experience with men and women relationship after relationship, they conclude that all men and all women are the same.
These people think that their only hope lies in finding a man or woman who is exceptional and rare. They see good men or women as 1 in 1000. All the while, they are surrounded by men and women who are quite different from their usual partners. But, their attraction for these people is just not there. Equally, these people are not attracted to them. A man who is not domineering will have little interest in a passive woman.
For single people, the answer does not lie in finding a "rare" 1 in 1000 man or woman. For women, the answer lies in learning to become more like the women who have healthy relationships. They will then be attracted to healthy men and repelled by the unhealthy ones--a reversal of their usual trend. The healthy men will also be attracted to them. What seemed to be rare before will become abundant for the woman who has learned to live in a better way. The same answer is true for single men.
For people who are already in a relationship that they hate, the answer is neither to breakup nor to put up with the relationship. Breakup would just lead to continuing the same pattern with yet another person. Putting up with the relationship will just keep you miserable. Just as for single men and women, working with someone like a relationship coach will help you to change your way of relating to your partner. Your partner's bad ways of getting what he or she wants will no longer work, but they will still be able to get what they need by adjusting to your new behavior. You change, they change, and the relationship changes. In this way one person changing his or herself really can change his or her relationship for the good and break out of a negative pattern and into a positive one.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/relationship-advice-for-those-who-think-all-men-or-women-are-the-same-510372.html
About the Author
Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. For 14 years he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships.
Get your relationship unstuck with the Relationship Coach newsletter and a Free Relationship Planning Guide. Visit the Relationship Coach Blog for daily relationship advice.
Posted in Get an ex back |
Tags: dating, marriage advice, marriage help, relationship advice, relationship coach, relationships |
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Relationship Coach Example of How One Partner Can Help Both
Author: Jack Ito
If your partner is distant, cold, and rejecting, how could working on the relationship by yourself possibly make a difference? In this real life example from a relationship coach, we can see one way it could.
Many people have either wounds from the past that continue to hurt or they have areas of their life that are screaming for attention. It could be a history of abuse, a need for friends, financial problems, career concerns, or any number of things.
When we find a partner while we still have such problems, it does help us to feel better. It's like having someone carry you while you have a thorn in your shoe. As long as your partner takes you to where you want to go and is constantly available for you, then all is well. But, if you have to stand on your own two feet--even for a little while, the pain becomes unbearable. Susan (not her real name) had just such a problem.
Susan had a history of social problems since Junior High School. She was never able to make close friends. She had had a couple of friends for a while, but those relationships had gone badly. When Susan met Erik, she believed that her loneliness was over. She thought that she and Erik would always be together. Whenever they were together, Susan no longer felt that loneliness that she had for many years. She felt loved and important.
After a while, though, Susan and Erik started having problems. Erik would sometimes like to do things with his friends without Susan. At those times, Susan would feel it was "unfair" because she had no friends of her own. She also felt that Erik was abandoning her. She saw his desire to spend time with his friends as an undeserved rejection of her. It made her angry and resentful. Yet, she was also afraid of losing Erik because then she would have no one.
Erik was also becoming resentful. He cared about Susan, but didn't want to give up the fun that he had with his friends. He was also feeling like Susan was demanding that he spend more and more time with her. Their relationship was not fun anymore. This made him withdraw from Susan. Susan experienced the withdrawal as more rejection and became even more demanding. Erik, then felt like withdrawing more. Even when he was with Susan, he didn't feel the same affection for her that he once did.
Even after Erik and Susan broke up, Susan continued to blame Erik and was angry with him long after he had moved on to someone else. She told herself that Erik had used her--at first only pretending to be interested in her and then later dumping her for his friends and for another woman.
Susan had had two chances to have a great relationship with Erik. The first was before they began their relationship. If Susan had worked with a relationship coach or counselor and learned to make friends, then she would not have been needy when she became involved with Erik. She wouldn't have felt desperate or rejected when he spent time with his friends. Erik would not have felt like he was being pressured to take care of her needs at his expense.
Susan had another chance to make her relationship with Erik better during her relationship with him. Susan had considered counseling, but because Erik would not also go, she gave up on it. She thought, how could Erik learn the error of his ways if he didn't attend counseling? Had she had relationship coaching she would have learned more about balancing her social needs by making some friends of her own. Even if Erik were at fault, having friends of her own would surely have made her less dependent and resentful. Erik also, would not have felt like withdrawing. Working on herself, Susan could have created a better relationship with Erik.
There were of course, things that Erik could have done to help the relationship. But, by taking no responsibility for her relationship problems, Susan also became responsible for their breakup. After Erik left her, she soon found another man whom she repeated the same pattern with.
Regardless of the cause of a relationship problem, positive change only needs to begin with one person. Realizing that and working with a relationship coach, you can have a major turnaround in your relationship. If you are waiting for your partner to go to counseling or to make a change, aren't you also the one who is keeping the relationship stuck? If there is anything that you could do to help your relationship, isn't it time to do it?
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/relationship-coach-example-of-how-one-partner-can-help-both-516403.html
About the Author
Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. For 14 years he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships.
Start your relationship experiment with the Relationship Coach newsletter and a Free Relationship Planning Guide. Visit the Relationship Coach Blog for daily relationship advice.
Posted in Get an ex back |
Tags: Coaching, counseling, marriage advice, marriage counseling, relationship coach, relationships |
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How To Save Relationships - Marriage Made Easy eBook
Author: Ella Burton
Would you like to know more information about how are you going to save one failing relationship because you just can't deny the fact that you are so in love with your partner and you still want to work things out? However, are you totally clueless about how can you bring the love back if the relationship is already getting worse each and every day? Saving the relationship from failing isn't easy at all, but if you really love the person you will do whatever it takes to make things okay again. Here are some tips on how to save relationships from failing:
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Tip # 1: Try Your Best To Work Things Out Together
If a relationship is already falling down the drain, what you can do to save it from everything that will only hurt the both of you in the end would be trying to work things out with your partner. Try to do everything that you can and try to reach out with your partner; you need to remember that it's important that you tell your partner what you can still both do to make the relationship even better and stronger, because it will really save your relationship from failing.
Tip # 2: Show Everything That You Can To Make Your Partner Feel That You Really Love Her/Him
How to save relationships is just one of the hundred questions people ask everyday especially those who are really having trouble about their love life. What you can actually do to make your partner feel that you are still willing to work things out between the both of you is to show your partner that you still love him/her and you are ready to do whatever it takes to work things out again. Doing this will really help you save your failing relationship.
Tip # 3: Attend A Marriage Counseling
When you feel that the both of you don't seem to work things right in the relationship anymore, it's recommended that you attend a marriage counseling together in order to get advices and tips from professional people who really help people who are going through the same problems like you both do. Don't be shy to ask help because it will really help you.
Now that you know how to save relationships, don't forget to keep yourself determined and persistent to do whatever it takes to bring back the lost love and make your relationship even better than before. Good luck to you and I wish you all the best!
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Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/how-to-save-relationships-marriage-made-easy-ebook-1600863.html
About the Author
This author writes about How To Bring The Love Back and Marriage Made Easy eBook.
Posted in Get an ex back |
Tags: divorce, Help Save My Marriage, How To Bring The Love Ba, How To Save Relationships, marriage, marriage advice, marriage counseling, Marriage Save, marriages, relationships, Save Marriage Stop Divorce, Save Your Marriage Before Divorce, Succesful Marriage |
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