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Surprising Reasons Why Men Leave (and How to Handle It)

Author: Brenda Shoshanna

After a relationship ends, whether it’s a 20 year marriage or a promising romance, women ask themselves over and over, what went wrong? They ask themselves, their girlfriends and their therapists. Sometimes they even spend weeks and months blaming themselves and become afraid to try again. Once they know what really happened, it’s always easier to move on.

Below are some top reasons men leave and some guidelines on how to handle this.

They’re Waiting For The Perfect Partner

Some men have a secret fantasy which whispers that a perfect partner is somewhere, around the corner, waiting for him. This perfect partner will not only accept him as he is fully, but he’ll finally be able to express the parts of himself that are hidden. She’ll bring out the best in him. Rather than criticize and make demands, the perfect partner will give unconditionally and fulfill his every need. This fantasy should not be discounted, as it fuels much of this man's inner life. When a woman understands this fantasy fully, she has a secret for helping the man really thrive.

They Hear A Call To Adventure

As soon as some men see a relationship as stifling his basic need for adventure, he can feel himself to be trapped in a prison without bars. Many men then blame the relationship for the dilemma he is in. They do not realize that their true need is to find adventure in the relationship. A woman who does best in this kind of relationship is one who provides challenge.

They Suffer From A Fear Of Commitment

The fear of commitment is widely misunderstood. Commitment is inevitable when a man is living from the truth of who he is. When a man, however, is in a relationship out of obligation, guilt, on or to fulfill a false sense of self-esteem, no real commitment is possible. If he’s not committing, it’s because he doesn’t feel things are right for him.

They Fear That They Can’t Satisfy The Woman

There are some women who can never be satisfied no matter how much a man gives or tries to please. Some men become tied up in knots in these relationships and start to feel terrible about themselves. No matter how hard they try, they can’t get the approval they are hungry for. Some just live for those rare moments when they are acknowledged and thanked.

He’s Acting Out The Repetition Compulsion

The Repetition Compulsion is the unconscious compulsion to repeat a painful situation or relationship over and over, in the hopes it will turn out differently this time. Usually each time is worse, brings more pain and disappointment. Even in the rare instances when the person gets what he wants, the original hunger does not subside. The only solution to this compulsion is to go back to the original trauma, face it fully and work it out.

He’s Involved With The Ghost Of A Past Relationship

These Ghosts are memories, dreams and longings that linger from past relationships, which have been finished but are not over. A man can hold onto the memory of a former wife or lover and idealize her to such an extent, it prevents him from being available to anyone in the present. These memories can also become projected on the current relationship. These men must learn to say forgive the past, say good-bye, and develop the courage to love again.

Here are some Touchstones, (guidelines) for both women and men to help understand relationships better and behave in a way that is helpful for all.

Touchstones For Women

- Realize the turbulence a man goes through often has nothing to do with you - and cannot be avoided.

- Give him space to discover himself, without guilt. His changes do not mean he does not love you. Allow him to be all that he is. Acceptance is love.

- Get busy becoming all the person you can be too. There is nothing worse for a relationship than a man feeling you are clinging to him for your life.

Touchstones For Men

- Restlessness and painful feelings come so you can understand yourself better. Don’t blame them on the relationship. This is not a time to run away, but stay put and understands what is going on inside.

- While you are unsettled and confused is not the best time to act. Choices made during this time are often ruled by feelings and needs from the past.

- Make sure you help the woman realize what you are going through. Do not blame her for it. Be patient with her and yourself.

- Understand that craving other women can become an addiction and escape from intimacy, bringing only more pain and repetition in its wake.

Cc/Dr Brenda Shoshanna/2007

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/surprising-reasons-why-men-leave-and-how-to-handle-it-243912.html

About the Author

Hear men tell you in their own words why they left and what makes a relationship work in eye-opening book on modern relationships - Why Men Leave, http://www.whymenleave.com. Top psychologist,speaker, mediator,and author offers unique guidelines and instructions. Contact at mailto: mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com. Get free ezine and articles http://www.brendashoshanna.com/ Go to: http://www.whymenleave to get your copy right now.

Pros And Cons Of The Age Gap

Author: Graham Billingham

Being with someone who is several years older or younger than you can be both a blessing and a curse. Before you decide to get serious, you should know what you're getting into.

If you're younger...

PROS

You get to be with someone mature. Someone who doesn't "act out" or throw tantrums just because you happened to mention that you have a crush on a celebrity. Also, because of your lover's life experience, he/she can dish out valuable advice that you couldn't get from your friends.

You can learn a thing or two - and I'm not just talking about life lessons. Older people have had more sexual experiences, and if you've got the right lover, he or she won't hesitate to teach you some new "moves".

Your lover is more interesting than people your age. Again, this is mostly because of life experiences. Older men and women have gone through enough problems and opportunities, and they have several funny, inspiring, painful, and horrifying stories to tell. Also, if the age gap is wide enough, the type of music or movies that he or she likes may be completely different from yours, and getting a taste of these "oldies" can help you grow culturally.

CONS

Emotional baggage. The older man and the older woman have enough emotional baggage to drag you down. Beware of verbally psychoanalyzing their actions - it's unlikely that they want a "kid" to tell them what they did wrong in their lives. Instead, be understanding and make sure that your older lover isn't an emotional vampire who will suck you dry.

If you're older...

PROS

The younger man/woman can inspire you with a sense of awe. Having a young, new body next to you can knock a few years off of your own age. You get to do more youthful things, and you tap the mindset of today's youth.

The younger lover doesn't have that much emotional baggage. This means that things are more "happy-go-lucky" and smoother with the younger lover. You won't get late night conversations about every ex that's ever broken his or her heart. Also, there's not much that you can get compared to. Odds are, if he or she says that you're the best sex in his/her life, it's true.

The younger lover looks up to you. This is because of all the advice and life lessons you have to offer. You've been through a lot, and your lover knows this. Odds are, you're the first one he or she talks to during times of conflict.

CONS

The younger lover can be immature. Sometimes, young lovers are such perfectionists that they seek all sorts of things that you can't give. This is why, if you want to go out with someone younger, make sure that he or she is mature for his or her age.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/pros-and-cons-of-the-age-gap-136232.html

About the Author
Graham Billingham writes for DrDating.com a site filled with help and advice for online dating, relationships and love.

5 WARNING SIGNS YOU’LL NEVER MEET SOMEONE

Author: Tonja Weimer

Do you worry that you will never meet someone?  Have you tried to date, but nothing ever works out?  There are warning signs that tell you why this happens.  Do you know what the signs are?

WARNING SIGN #1 Disastrous Dates

The first warning sign that you won’t meet someone is when you have a date that you think is a disaster and you focus on the “failure” of it.  You may keep trying to date, but each person seems worse than the last one.  You consider this a sure sign that you will be alone the rest of your life, that you are not attractive enough to get the one you want, and, most of all, the one you want doesn’t even exist!

WHAT YOU CAN DO:  Shift your thinking from failure to success. You haven’t “lost” anything except some expectations.  Look for what you learned.  You have gained insight, clarity, and knowledge.  You can use these lessons on the path to your True Love.

CONCLUSION:  Your single life is not a contest—it’s an adventure.  Stop looking at it like it is one impossible event after another.  As long as you think of it as a win-lose, you will not feel successful, or brave enough to take the necessary steps to meet someone.  You are allowing your creative mind to dip into the negative zone, turning a disappointing date into an act of rejection.  Get a grip.  Don’t talk yourself into feeling rejected.  No one rejects you but your own mean inner critic.

WARNING SIGN #2: Interpreting Every Date As A Rejection

WHAT TO DO: It takes a victim and a victimizer, carefully orchestrating their misery, to be successful in creating the game of rejection.  If you don’t play the game, you can’t be rejected.  You are not rejected if someone shares that you two don’t seem compatible.  Say, “Thank you,” let go of whatever you were expecting, and move on.  How do you keep your dance card full so one less name on it will barely be missed?  Get out often, get out more, and get out and be friendly.

CONCLUSION: If you make a plan for your social life, you don’t have to wait for love to “just happen.”  Follow the plan, and plan for volume, so you won’t fall into the “I’ve been rejected” pit.

WARNING SIGN #3: Jealousy Consumes You When Someone Else Falls In Love

WHAT TO DO: When you feel jealous of anyone for ANYTHING, look to see what you have not done for you.  Jealousy occurs when we feel deprived, or helpless, or like we are not enough.  If you are jealous of another person, ask yourself:

• What have I done lately to meet someone?  Do I get out whenever possible, tell lots of people I would like to meet someone, and stay friendly, reaching out to others?  Be honest.  How much have you really done?
• What can I do to feel better about myself?  Need a counselor, exercise program, or financial adviser?
• What can I do today to empower myself?  Have I de-cluttered recently, eliminated what I have been putting up with, or found something to do that I LOVE?

CONCLUSION: Jealousy happens when you are feeling empty and unfulfilled.  No one can make you jealous if your life is brimming with good things and if you know you have the power to create everything you want.

WARNING SIGN #4: Looking For Someone To Make You Happy

WHAT TO DO: Look to see where you can make yourself happy.  You may think all your fears will melt and your problems will be handled when The Perfect One enters your life.  But if you have this state of mind, when you find The One and continue not to be happy, you may think it is the other person’s fault.  True—the other person may be a jerk or jerkette—but your unhappiness started with you.  Pull your life together, do things that make you proud, and then you will attract someone like you.

CONCLUSION: Happiness is not an elusive balloon—one minute you have a hold of it and the next, it slips from your grasp.  You don’t have to go chasing after it.  It’s in you.  No one can give it to you, and no one can take it away.  You give it to yourself.

WARNING SIGN #5: Projection Onto The Other Person

WHAT TO DO: This is a common mistake singles make.  Many people who live alone want to meet someone so much, when they finally get a date, they read all kinds of values and character traits into the person that just aren’t there.  Eventually, they wind up being angry because he or she didn’t live up to their expectations.

CONCLUSION: Be careful when meeting your future dates that you don’t “make it up” they are so perfect, you miss the red flags of danger.

These are the five warning signs that can become your new guide to find romance.  Give them a try.  You deserve to find your love.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/5-warning-signs-youll-never-meet-someone-1147981.html

About the Author

About Tonja Weimer:

· Columnist: Weekly syndicated singles and dating columnist (over four million readers in the U.S. and Canada)

· Media: Coverage on TV, including CNN’s ShowBiz Today; rave reviews in USA Today, Entertainment Weekly, Publisher’s Weekly

· Author: NBC/USA TV Network, selected author for articles on dating and singles for website

· Articles: In House Beautiful, New Woman, GRAND, and other national magazines

· Coach: Master Certified Singles Relationship Coach; Associate Certified Life Coach; International Coach Federation; Relationship Coaching Institute; Institute for Life Coach Training

· Keynote Speaker: Regional, National and International conferences in U.S., India and Europe

· Academic: BA; MA in Human Development; U.S. Dept of Mental Health full fellowship

· Published Author: 7 Books(Fingerplays for Children; Creative Movement for Children, etc) winning over 25 awards.

Visit Tonja's website for more exciting dating tips!

Singles Dating Tips Online

Getting Out In A Bad Relationship

Author: My Relationship Tips

So, you thought you have finally found the ONE.

Someone who has an established career, with stable financial status, responsible, good looking, intelligent, and good-humored person has finally come into your life.

But, just when you thought you've finally met the ideal man or woman of your dreams, everything seems to be wrong and complicated. Suddenly, he has lost his job, she went bankrupt, he became careless, and she became paranoid about everything. You try to help your partner in dealing with the issues but it always turns out that he or she's too good to ask help from anybody-even you.

Still, despite everything you still do almost everything to help your beau without you realizing that he or she slowly drags you into the pit of depression and helplessness they're in. When you feel that you are no longer healthy, happy, and growing in the relationship, that's the time when you are trapped in bad relationship.

Being stuck and stranded

It is always hard to end any kind of relationship-especially if it's a romantic relationship. But, no matter how hard to end something that you thought is precious, you should know when to end a relationship especially if you are well-aware that its not doing you any good.

The signs of the times would probably tell you if you are already being stuck in a bad relationship. Experts agree that the relationship is already bad when the couple is going through unusual periods of disagreement and bitterness that can be evitable in some relationships. You will also know if you are already in the pit of a bad relationship when it involves incessant aggravation and everything-even your partner-seems to be out of your reach.

The main determinant if you are in a bad relationship is the behavior of your partner. You can tell that you are being caught up in a bad relationship if your partner is beyond your reach of communication and comprehension, he or she doesn't want to make any commitment, doesn't profess his or her feelings even if there is a sort of commitment or plainly incapable of loving someone else besides him or herself.

Studies also show that in any bad relationship, the couple is often on dissimilar wavelengths that there is almost no common ground and no connection or communication that result to irritation and disappointment.

Since bad relationships usually stem from chronic reciprocation of what one or both partners need, the relationship itself can even damage the self-esteem of the persons involved. Bad relationships are also destructive for persons especially those who have invested so much in their careers for their personal lives since these serve as a perfect breeding ground for rage, bitterness, self-doubt, melancholy, and distress.

Aside from emotional distress, staying in a bad relationship can be hazardous to someone's health. The most common hazard of bad relationship is the physical harm caused by an abusive partner. In less severe cases, being in a bad relationship can cause tensions and various chemical changes often triggered by so much stress.

Being in a bad relationship reflects so much on the person's overall health and well-being because it can drain energy, thus, lowering the body's resistance to illness. The common health hazards of being in a bad relationship include severe headaches, back pains, and stomachaches caused by anger and frustration; insomnia and melancholy caused by emotional distress; and weight problems caused by irregular behavioral patterns and depression.

If couples continue to be in a relationship that is no longer healthy, they will try to find a way to escape from being stuck inside by being alcoholic or drug dependent. Worse, being stuck in an unhealthy relationship can eventually lead to recurrent suicide attempts.

Breaking free

What most people inside relationships do not realize is that the more they try to work things out, things get more and more complicated. This is because both people in the relationship try so hard to pass through the stage without realizing that they are detaching themselves with their respective partners. As a result of this detachment is misunderstanding, incompatibility, and soon enough, falling out of love.

If you are already in a bad relationship that robs you off your freedom to be yourself, the freedom to love other person, and the freedom to get out of an unhealthy and destructive relationship, here are some of the things you can do to recover.

1. Consider your wellness as the first priority in life whether you are in or out of a romantic relationship.

2. Try to be "selfish" at times by focusing on your own needs above all else.

3. Be strong enough to deal with your own problems.

4. Have a positive outlook in life and cultivate whatever positive values you acquired within the relationship.

5. Nurture you spiritual side and try to look for ways or activities that can bring you inner peace.

6. If the relationship was quite traumatic, think of getting professional help or find a support group where you can chare your experiences and the lessons you have learned.

7. Don't be afraid to fall in love but try to be more cautious next time so you won't be stuck in a bad relationship.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/getting-out-in-a-bad-relationship-236533.html

About the Author
My Relationship Tips has hundreds of relationship and dating articles for men and women.

How To Meet Single Women - Art Of Approaching

Author: Ella Burton

How to meet single women? You may have asked yourself this question at one point in your life. But what if you have been dating a nice woman and the two of you seem to feel at ease with each other or enjoy being together. Then perhaps the better question is “how to create a stronger and more romantic relationship”, right?

Click Here For Art of Approaching Instant Access Now!

First of all, talk. Establish trust and rapport with each other. Set up lines of communication. Share your past pains and disappointments, and your triumphs and joys as well. You can laugh and cry together. Remember, humor heals and tears are sacred. Every revealed secret, every secret desire, every confession of weakness, every exploration of hope, and admission of paralyzing fear will strengthen the bond between the two of you. They will help you accept the other as a human being, who is flawed but worthy of acceptance as a trusted and intimate companion.

Moreover, you can share your interests, activities, and hobbies. Play games that you both enjoy. Read aloud favorite plays, each of you taking a part. Prepare home cooked meals together. Develop customs and traditions that are unique to your selves as a couple. Be reliable, act honorably, and treat her with respect.

Also, remember that a long-term relationship is a bond between families and not just the persons involved. Introduce her to your family, and get to know her own. You can even get clues to her character from her family background.

However, recognize the fact that even a close relationship may turn sour. Be prepared for even the slightest possibility that your relationship may never kindle. If that happens, then you must simply move on and go on with your life. Meet new persons and explore new relationships. Besides, you already know how to meet single women, so how hard can it be?

Click Here For Art of Approaching Instant Access Now!

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/how-to-meet-single-women-art-of-approaching-1797755.html

About the Author

This author writes about ">Art Of Approaching and How To Approach Women In Bars.

Making a Difference in the Lives of Single Adults, One Relationship at a Time

Author: Cameron Sharpe

The Relationship Company, a private one on one introduction service and social club headquartered in Salt Lake City, UT– has announced the introduction of verified back ground checks.

Utilizing state-of-the-art Internet technology, members are now able to meet quality pre-screened singles who have been verified with a background check member verification process. In an effort to both expand nationally and improve the overall experience for our clients. The Relationship Company is now able to verify the identity of all members.

"One of the things that separates us from any other service is that at The Relationship Company we pride ourselves on listening to our clients and responding to their needs," said Daniel Oneal, President. "The major 'downside' that we heard from clients about their online dating experiences was that, while they enjoyed the idea of meeting someone compatible online, they were frustrated by the fact that with online dating sites they couldn't verify if the person was in fact, who they said they were. To fill this important need in the industry, and to enhance our clients experience. We have now introduced live, real time, background verification, thus far, the response has been phenomenal!"

"There is no doubt that by offering this safety feature to our personalized service, this enhances each clients experience," said Oneal, "while at the same time giving our clients the ability to really connect with someone compatible in a far more meaningful way than a typical online dating site. We are convinced that offering background verification checks is the future for any introduction service that wants to be a success, and we are proud to be in the forefront of this industry changing technology."

Background check verification is only available for members of TheRelationshipCompany.com – which offers a free consultation to single adults who are seeking a proven, results oriented approach to meeting quality local singles. The Relationship Company is a private one on one introduction service and social club for single adults. All members must go through an interview process with a certified relationship counselor in order to qualify for membership eligibility. "Just because someone is single doesn't mean they are available emotionally. Emotional stability is just one of many critical components needed in order to have a healthy, compatible and successful relationship. After all, getting into a relationship is easy, getting into the right relationship takes wisdom, insight and a true knack for determining compatibility between two people. Adding this layer of safety simply confirms that we are the industry leader in the one on one introduction dating industry" said Amanda Bennett, Director of The Relationship Company Member Success Department.

Article Source: http://www.sooperarticles.com/relationship-articles/making-difference-lives-single-adults-one-relationship-time-1685.html

About Author:
I am Cameron Sharpe is CEO of this company. Therelationshipcompany.com is the first company ever to launch a Click and Mortar business model giving its members online access to its database of single men and women and the added personal touch of offering counselor staffed member center locations.

Why Women Ruin Relationships By Talking Too Much

Author: Deborrah Cooper

Woman complain frequently about male/female communication. "Men don't communicate" these ladies say in frustration. Women complain that men give one-word answers, don't elaborate and tell the entire story in a play by play fashion, and that it feelings like "pulling teeth" to get information out of them.

Being Like A Man Is Not Always A Bad Thing!

Women operate on a different dynamic and love to share their feelings, experiences and thoughts with others. I think this female style of communication is a way that bonds us and brings us closer to others. Which means this communication style is fine with other women when we get together and talk about family and work. But it is absolutely positively the wrong way to communicate with your romantic partner when it comes to the sexual pleasures you've enjoyed before he came on the scene!

Are All The Mysterious Women Dead?

"She possesses an air of mystery." Sadly, that trait is one many women have completely abandoned. In their quest to "be honest" women feel it necessary need to tell their man every thought that passes through their head, and every single thing they've ever done in this life and those previous. In other words, women blab and share wayyyy too much information.

Guys avoid those types of disclosure like the plague. Their thinking is if you haven't asked a specific question, it isn't important enough to bring up, and it's probably not in their best interest to do so.

Men want things in their relationships to be smooth and easy and pleasant. Smart men know that telling their new woman how great their ex was in bed is not something she needs to know. They know women aren't happy hearing that type of news, and there will be some serious unpleasant moments that follow the delivery! Men are smart enough to know that a female coworker's breast augmentation and how much hotter she looks now is not something their woman needs to know either. Women should adopt a similar policy.

Keep The Past Where It Belongs... In The Past!

Recently a letter came into my advice column from a 35 year old woman that had been introduced by her Mom to a nice physician, formerly from her neighborhood. Though he seemed to be somewhat of a braggart, the two got along well and things looked like they were going someplace.

One day he mentioned that he was going to get a haircut in the old neighborhood, and she volunteered that she had gone out to dinner a few times with the owner of that same barbershop. No relationship, nothing sexual, just out to dinner twice.

After this revelation the young Dr. went to the barber and inquired about his interaction with the woman in question. The barber embellished the interaction and represented the relationship as more than it had been, much to the young doctor's chagrin. Feeling that his reputation would be at risk from this association, he immediately broke off the budding relationship.

Why?

He knows how men are. He knew that the other men in the shop would be trading jokes and stories about sexual activities with his new girl, and that he didn't want to endure the subsequent embarrassment.

Why did this young woman not keep her mouth closed? What benefit did she think would be gained by bringing up ancient history? Why talk about something that involved just a couple of dates that took place years ago and led to nothing?

The boyish competitiveness and desire to bring a man with higher social standing and more money down a peg or two is what was behind this little drama.

Understanding men's egos, the dynamic under which men compete and the manner in which men judge women's suitability as a steady girlfriend and/or wife should be enough impetus to keep your lips closed.

However, if you plan to marry, full disclosure should be expected by your fiancee and provided on about matters vital to the marriage. Openness on subjects such as debts, health concerns, child support and visitation, and income are mandatory, but that is really all that is needed.

In conclusion, think before you open your mouth and "share" information with your man that he won't be able to handle. Blabbing every detail about your past interactions with other men will do nothing positive for your new relationship. Every woman past the age of 21 has a past of some sort. The men that come into your life need to accept the woman that you are, take you as you come and love you for exactly who and what you are right now.

Your past, with all your mistakes, challenges, and experiences together created the fascinating creature that he has fallen in love with. Your past should be something you keep to yourself and reflect on in old age with a enigmatic smile. It should be remembered and respected, but never trotted out for critical review and comment by every guy you date.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/why-women-ruin-relationships-by-talking-too-much-370906.html

About the Author

(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat!, which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Wednesday night at 8:00 pm PST.

Tips for Handling Insecurities in a New Relationship

Author: Dani Taylor

Any new relationship can be full of new things to become accustomed to. If you've been recently divorced or gotten out of a long relationship, it can be easy to feel very insecure. You're with someone completely new and different and you're not sure what they are thinking or how they are feeling. Below you will find some important tips for handling insecurities in a new relationship.

Remember That It Is Not Just New to You -

One of the most important things you can remember to help you get over your insecurities is that you're not the only one feeling them. Chances are, your new sweetheart is feeling pretty insecure as well. Naturally, you would probably think that they have nothing to be insecure about. Well, this is probably what they're thinking about you as well. Remember that you're not the only one feeling insecure at this moment - everyone does in new relationships. It makes things easier when you realize that it's a new ballgame for the other person as well.

Be Yourself -

You've most likely heard this before, but it's a very important point of advice. When you let your true colors shine through and be yourself, you are being honest with your new partner. This allows them the chance to see you for who you really are. If they don't like it - then why would you want to be with them anyway? If they are really the one for you, they will like you for who you are. So, remember to be yourself when you are with your new sweetheart and allow them to feel comfortable enough to be themselves.

Don't Over-Analyze -

Many times, when we are feeling insecure about something, we think and think and analyze it until we've made a tiny issue into a huge issue. It's sort of like picking at a small cut until it becomes infected! Don't allow yourself to think too much. After all, relationships and love are not logical - they are emotional. Simply allow yourself to go with the flow and take it one moment at a time. Sure - there are things that you will always be insecure about, but it's who you are. Why let it bug you to death? Don't over-analyze things and you will be fine!

New relationships are tough and sometimes pretty scary. By looking at the tips and guidance above, you can get past the small things like insecurities and move on with the great things - like your new partner! Good luck and go get 'em tiger!

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/tips-for-handling-insecurities-in-a-new-relationship-560090.html

About the Author

Dani Taylor is one of the most active members of the divorce support community at Xstilla.com. She is also the editor of the Children & Divorce section and the author of many articles that help people find their way through complicated cases of divorce and child support issues.

Relationship Advice for Those Who Think All Men or Women Are the Same

Author: Jack Ito

If you are like many women who seem to experience the same problems with men from relationship to relationship, you are probably wondering if all men are the same. You have probably heard many times that "all men want the same thing." Some women even come to detest men because of their experiences. Many men think the same about women.

But, if all men really want the same thing, then how do we account for successful relationships? Are they because the women in those relationships are less concerned with men's behavior and so put up with more? Actually, quite the opposite. The women in those relationships have a high self-regard and would not allow their partner to mistreat them.

In fact, all men and women need the same things. We have survival needs such as those for air, shelter, water, food, etc. We also have emotional needs such as to love, feel loved, feel important, feel secure, and to feel like we belong. And sexual desire is not unique to men.

Some men have learned to get these needs met by being subservient, some by being dominant and some by being jerks Each of these kinds of behaviors attracts a different kind of woman. The reason for this is that some women have also learned to get their needs met by being subservient, dominant, outrageous, etc. Why else do you think they would behave this way?

What kind of man do you think a passive woman is attracted to--a domineering man, of course. Not because she likes his arrogant and controlling behavior, but because she knows how to be a partner for such a man. She knows how to get what she needs from such a man, even if at the same time she hates her relationship. She cannot stand him, but she will never leave him.

When these matched relationships do break up, both the man and woman find new partners who similarly match and thus repeat the same patterns in the new relationship. Having the same experience with men and women relationship after relationship, they conclude that all men and all women are the same.

These people think that their only hope lies in finding a man or woman who is exceptional and rare. They see good men or women as 1 in 1000. All the while, they are surrounded by men and women who are quite different from their usual partners. But, their attraction for these people is just not there. Equally, these people are not attracted to them. A man who is not domineering will have little interest in a passive woman.

For single people, the answer does not lie in finding a "rare" 1 in 1000 man or woman. For women, the answer lies in learning to become more like the women who have healthy relationships. They will then be attracted to healthy men and repelled by the unhealthy ones--a reversal of their usual trend. The healthy men will also be attracted to them. What seemed to be rare before will become abundant for the woman who has learned to live in a better way. The same answer is true for single men.

For people who are already in a relationship that they hate, the answer is neither to breakup nor to put up with the relationship. Breakup would just lead to continuing the same pattern with yet another person. Putting up with the relationship will just keep you miserable. Just as for single men and women, working with someone like a relationship coach will help you to change your way of relating to your partner. Your partner's bad ways of getting what he or she wants will no longer work, but they will still be able to get what they need by adjusting to your new behavior. You change, they change, and the relationship changes. In this way one person changing his or herself really can change his or her relationship for the good and break out of a negative pattern and into a positive one.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/relationship-advice-for-those-who-think-all-men-or-women-are-the-same-510372.html

About the Author

Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. For 14 years he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships.
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How to Stop Fighting With your Partner Today

Author: Mailcucan

It's fair to say that most people avoid contact whenever they are faced with it especially in a relationship. Conflict and arguments make us feel weak and can cause us to feel badly about ourselves and our lives. If you find that you and your partner are constantly fighting, and you don't know what you do about it, maybe these tips will be able to help.

What are you fighting for?

There may be times when it seems like you're fighting about everything from the litter box to the bills, the way someone snores to how they put the towel on the floor after a shower. But what you might want to start to recognize is that not all fights are actually about anything important at all they're merely symbols of something larger. And it's that larger thing that you need to tackle in order to stop the fighting and arguing.

But how do you get to this larger issue? First of all, there are many psychological techniques that can help you, so there's no need to become frustrated before you even start. Some couples are able to sit down and talk about what frustrates them, but for those that can not, writing is an amazingly effective way to get your feelings out. What you can do is simply take five minutes to write until you run out of things to say. While you might not think that you can write for that long, you'll be surprised what happens once you get started. This free writing exercise allows your mind to switch off and allows the censors to be quiet so that you can release your real feelings about what is happening in your relationship.

Every day help

You may also want to try this exercise every morning when you first wake up. By writing down everything that is on your mind, you will keep it from becoming too 'full' and confused. Many people find that this exercise not only allows them to be calmer in their relationship, but that they can also find solutions to ongoing problems that come up. This is a long term tool that works for many couples.

Right now

If you want to diffuse your fighting today, you can do several things. First of all, it helps to step outside of your anger and your frustration by realizing what is really happening. Talk about the 'source' of your fighting as though it were happening to someone else. This might mean that you start to refer to each other in the third person (he or she) in order to fully separate yourself from the emotions that are occurring. You might also want to start talking in hushed tones to calm down your body physically so that your mind responds as well. It's hard to be upset when you're talking softly.

What are you getting out of fighting?

Another thing that you will want to consider is whether or not you're rewarding the other person for fighting with you, or if they are rewarding you. We only do things that bring us some sort of satisfaction, so what is the reward of all of your fighting? Think about what happens immediately after a fight. Do you head to the bedroom as a sort of reward for the fight being over? Do you talk lovingly to each other or go out and reward your selves in some other manner?

When you start to realize that pattern of your fighting, you might start to see that you are actually allowing it to continue to happen. Instead of making it something that isn't good for your relationship, you're creating the connection that if you fight, you will get something in return. To effectively stop the fighting and start uncovering what the source is, you need to stop rewarding the fighting itself. After a fight, you shouldn't do anything that makes it rewarding. Sit with each other, but try not to create any sort of reward unless you actually work through the problem that you have fought about.

Fighting isn't something that you can entirely avoid, but it is a signal that you should look more closely at your relationship and how you are managing it. By taking the time to write out your feelings and then discussing problems calmly, you won't have to start yelling in order to feel heard.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/how-to-stop-fighting-with-your-partner-today-67154.html

About the Author

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