Posts Tagged ‘counseling’
January 5th, 2011 | 
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Getting Over a Breakup - How To Heal A Broken Heart
Author: Jason
Getting Over a Breakup - How To Heal A Broken Heart
Few things are more painful than having your heart broken.
Both men and women experience the pain of breaking up. Sometimes you are the one who called it off and other times your ex did, but in either case, there is pain on both sides. And, sometimes the break up happened for good reasons while other times it seemed to go up in a puff of smoke for no reason at all. These can be the most painful of all.
If you don’t go about getting over the break up though, there can be some serious consequences. Don’t fall into the trap of lingering over a lost love. The worst trap of all is to start to write a “victim story” that makes you the protagonist in a tale of love gone bad.
First of all, you should realize that if you don’t get over your ex, it will be toxic to any future relationship you might have.
Second, realize that you can’t run away from it, medicate it, or suppress it. You have to face the pain head on and deal with it.
There’s no way out of a broken heart. There’s only a way through. Accept that there is going to be pain. Use the time during this period to understand the hurt. Some ways to do this are to write in a journal, get counseling, or pour your heart out in song. Realize there are no quick solutions to getting over break up.
Next, you need to examine whether there is anything in your past that would have lead to this break up. For instance, did the abuse in your childhood cause you to be an abuser in this relationship? Take note of those things because they will help you foster healthier relationships in the future.
Don’t paint yourself as the victim of the relationship either. Take responsibility for your actions. While your ex may have been the one whose “fault” was the immediate cause of the break up, the truth is that the underlying circumstances were caused by both of you.
By getting rid of your “victim story” you become a healthier, more attractive partner for a future boyfriend or girlfriend. You’ll begin to see that your “victim story” was composed of beliefs, attitudes and thoughts that color your perceptions about everything. It becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.
When you handle your broken heart badly, you perpetuate your pain. You’ll never go about getting over break up.
But, when you can handle your emotions with the ultimate goal of letting them go, you enable healing.
Getting over a broken heart takes work. It also takes time. Don’t underestimate the factors which go into curing your heartbreak.
You’ve just lost a person who was extremely important to your life. But, use this time for growth and you will become a stronger person and have better relationships in the future. That is how you really go about getting over break up.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/getting-over-a-breakup-how-to-heal-a-broken-heart-1459608.html
About the Author
http://reconcilingwithex.blogspot.com/ Here's a great book I recommend to all my readers who are serious about reconciling with there ex's after a breakup. It goes into great detail, about the necessary steps needed to take to get your ex lover back, and goes into very good detail about reconciling with your ex. It's a must read for relationship problems, and comes highly recommended by me! Catch Cheating, Relationship articles, stories, and more!http://www.jaysonlinereviews.com/page13.php
Posted in Get an ex back | 
Tags: boyfriend, breakup, broken, counseling, fix, getting, girlfriend, heal, heart, how, Husband, over, problems, relationships, to, wife | 
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Relationship Coach Example of How One Partner Can Help Both
Author: Jack Ito
If your partner is distant, cold, and rejecting, how could working on the relationship by yourself possibly make a difference? In this real life example from a relationship coach, we can see one way it could.
Many people have either wounds from the past that continue to hurt or they have areas of their life that are screaming for attention. It could be a history of abuse, a need for friends, financial problems, career concerns, or any number of things.
When we find a partner while we still have such problems, it does help us to feel better. It's like having someone carry you while you have a thorn in your shoe. As long as your partner takes you to where you want to go and is constantly available for you, then all is well. But, if you have to stand on your own two feet--even for a little while, the pain becomes unbearable. Susan (not her real name) had just such a problem.
Susan had a history of social problems since Junior High School. She was never able to make close friends. She had had a couple of friends for a while, but those relationships had gone badly. When Susan met Erik, she believed that her loneliness was over. She thought that she and Erik would always be together. Whenever they were together, Susan no longer felt that loneliness that she had for many years. She felt loved and important.
After a while, though, Susan and Erik started having problems. Erik would sometimes like to do things with his friends without Susan. At those times, Susan would feel it was "unfair" because she had no friends of her own. She also felt that Erik was abandoning her. She saw his desire to spend time with his friends as an undeserved rejection of her. It made her angry and resentful. Yet, she was also afraid of losing Erik because then she would have no one.
Erik was also becoming resentful. He cared about Susan, but didn't want to give up the fun that he had with his friends. He was also feeling like Susan was demanding that he spend more and more time with her. Their relationship was not fun anymore. This made him withdraw from Susan. Susan experienced the withdrawal as more rejection and became even more demanding. Erik, then felt like withdrawing more. Even when he was with Susan, he didn't feel the same affection for her that he once did.
Even after Erik and Susan broke up, Susan continued to blame Erik and was angry with him long after he had moved on to someone else. She told herself that Erik had used her--at first only pretending to be interested in her and then later dumping her for his friends and for another woman.
Susan had had two chances to have a great relationship with Erik. The first was before they began their relationship. If Susan had worked with a relationship coach or counselor and learned to make friends, then she would not have been needy when she became involved with Erik. She wouldn't have felt desperate or rejected when he spent time with his friends. Erik would not have felt like he was being pressured to take care of her needs at his expense.
Susan had another chance to make her relationship with Erik better during her relationship with him. Susan had considered counseling, but because Erik would not also go, she gave up on it. She thought, how could Erik learn the error of his ways if he didn't attend counseling? Had she had relationship coaching she would have learned more about balancing her social needs by making some friends of her own. Even if Erik were at fault, having friends of her own would surely have made her less dependent and resentful. Erik also, would not have felt like withdrawing. Working on herself, Susan could have created a better relationship with Erik.
There were of course, things that Erik could have done to help the relationship. But, by taking no responsibility for her relationship problems, Susan also became responsible for their breakup. After Erik left her, she soon found another man whom she repeated the same pattern with.
Regardless of the cause of a relationship problem, positive change only needs to begin with one person. Realizing that and working with a relationship coach, you can have a major turnaround in your relationship. If you are waiting for your partner to go to counseling or to make a change, aren't you also the one who is keeping the relationship stuck? If there is anything that you could do to help your relationship, isn't it time to do it?
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/relationship-coach-example-of-how-one-partner-can-help-both-516403.html
About the Author
Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. For 14 years he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships.
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Posted in Get an ex back |
Tags: Coaching, counseling, marriage advice, marriage counseling, relationship coach, relationships |
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