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Do Opposites Attract? Compatibility and your Myers Briggs Personality Type

Author: Molly Owens

It's the classic story of the Odd Couple: she's the life of the party, while he gives any excuse to leave early. He's orderly and fastidious, while she leaves milk on the counter and clothes on the floor. He's logical, she's emotional; he's from Mars, she's from Venus. Much is made of the idea that opposites attract, and we all know at least one of these "odd couples" that makes a relationship work despite major differences. But is it true that opposites attract? And more importantly, what makes for the most successful relationship-a stimulating opposite or a comforting soulmate?

Many researchers have set out to answer this question. In order to classify their subjects' differences, compatibility researchers often use Myers-Briggs personality typing. The Myers Briggs Type Indicator is the most common personality inventory in the world, and provides an easy-to-understand basis for studies on compatibility. The Myers-Briggs theory asserts that our fundamental differences in thinking, making decisions, and organizing our lives can be understood by measuring our preferences in four key areas:

• Extraversion/Introversion: This scale refers to where you focus attention and get your energy. Extraverts are focused on the external world and other people, and are energized by external stimulation and interaction with others. Introverts are more focused on their internal world, thoughts, ideas, and feelings, and get energy from spending time in solitary activity or quiet reflection.

• Sensing/Intuition: This scale refers to how you prefer to take in information. Sensors gather information in a very concrete, detail-oriented, and factual way. They tend to be practical and oriented to the present moment. Intuitives tend to be more abstract in their perceptions, and tend to think more about meaning, connections, and possibilities. Intuitives are often more imaginative than realistic.

• Thinking/Feeling: This scale refers to how you prefer to make decisions. Thinkers prefer decisions that are based on facts or data, and like to reason things out logically. Feelers prefer decisions that are consistent with their values and help to build harmonious relationships.

• Judging/Perceiving: This scale refers to how you prefer to organize your life. Judgers tend to prefer structure, schedules, and plans. They like clear expectations and feel accomplishment from completing tasks. Perceivers prefer an open-ended, spontaneous and flexible existence. They enjoy feeling that their options are open and that there are many possibilities available.

When researchers have analyzed couples' satisfaction, the factors most associated with happy couples were those that we've heard all along: good communication, common values and interests, and the ability to work out disagreements calmly and openly. But when researchers Barbara Barron-Tieger and Paul Tieger studied the Myers-Briggs personality type of several hundred couples, they found that the more type preferences a couple had in common, the more satisfied they were with their communication. While opposites may attract, it seems to be easier to maintain a relationship with someone who is similar to yourself.

However, this does not mean that you must find your exact type in order to build a good relationship. In fact, the most common pairing is between two people with just two type preferences in common (for instance, ISTP with ESTJ). Researchers have also found that some type preferences are more important than others when determining compatibility, and that some types are especially likely to clash.

In a 1981 study, researcher Ruth Sherman found that differences on the Extraversion/Introversion scale caused the most conflict in long-term relationships. In particular, combinations of Extraverted women with Introverted men caused frustration, perhaps because this dynamic goes against our traditional concept of the man being the more expressive and dominant partner. However, this effect was found in a study that is over 20 years old. As we become more progressive in our relationships and more open to equality, differences in this preference area may become less important.

The Sensing/Intuition scale seems to play a key role in attraction. Studies by Isabel Briggs Myers and others have found that people tend to be drawn to partners who share their preference on this scale. When couples have a Sensing or Intuitive preference in common, they will tend to view the world in a fundamentally similar way. Couples with the same preference on this scale may find it easier to understand each other, and are more likely to feel they are speaking the same language.

While similarity on the Sensing/Intuition scale may determine attraction, long-term compatibility appears to be much more complicated. The last three scales-S/N, T/F, and J/P-play a complex role in determining compatibility. These scales have a fundamental effect on the way we communicate and prioritize our lives, and so have the potential to cause misunderstandings, miscommunication, and opposing goals in relationships where preference differences exist.

When researchers Tieger and Barron-Tieger examined couples on the S/N, T/F, and J/P scales, they found that, in general, more similar couples experienced a higher rate of satisfaction with their partner. However, there were some combinations that worked well despite having fewer preferences in common, and some pairings of similar partners that weren't quite so successful. Some examples:

• Sensing Judgers (ESTJ, ESFJ, ISTJ, ISFJ) have a satisfaction rate of 79% when paired with other Sensing Judgers. These types tend to be traditionalists who value and honor their commitments.

• Intuitive Feelers (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ) have a satisfaction rate of 73% when paired with each other. Intuitive Feelers tend to place a high value on relationships and are the most likely of all the types to devote themselves to healthy relationships and open communication.

• Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving types (INFP and ENFP) had a satisfaction rate of only 42% when they were paired with Sensing, Thinking, Judging types (ESTJ and ISTJ), although this was one of the more common pairings among the couples studied. The NFP partner is likely to feel that their partner is conservative and stifling, while the STJ partner may find their partner unpredictable and unreliable.

• When partners have a Feeling preference in common, this can compensate for differences in other areas, perhaps due to Feelers' inclination to spend more time and energy on their relationships in general. Specifically, Sensing, Feeling Judgers (ESFJ and ISFJ) reported an 86% satisfaction rate when paired with Intuitive, Feeling Perceivers (ENFP and INFP). They had a 67% satisfaction rate when coupled with Intuitive, Feeling Judgers (ENFJ and INFJ).

• In some cases, having similar type preferences did not mean higher satisfaction. Sensing, Thinking and Perceiving types (ISTP and ESTP) had only a 33% satisfaction rate when paired with other STPs. The researchers theorized that this is due to their findings that ESTPs and ISTPs are the least concerned of all the types with the quality of their relationships.

• Similarly, Intuitive Thinking types (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ) have only a 59% satisfaction rate when paired with another Intuitive Thinker. These types tend to be among the most critical of their partners and may be harder to please in general.

Additional research, led by Nancy Marioles, PhD. at St. Mary's University, provides important data on marriage patterns among the types.

• Some types are more likely to marry a person of their exact same type; this includes male INFPs, INFJs and INTPs and female ENFJs and INFJs.

• There are two combinations where opposites seem to attract: ESTJ men with INFP women, and ESTP men with INFJ women. However, this may be due in part to the fact that these two types of men are also the most likely to be married multiple times.

• Some types showed greater partner dissatisfaction in general. Women married to INTP men had the highest level of dissatisfaction, at 31%. INTP is one of the least common types in the population, and INTPs may find it especially important to find a like-minded partner.

We can see that overall, couples find more satisfaction when paired with a similar partner. However, researchers stress that in all of their findings, communication, common interests, and the quality of the couple's friendship were the most crucial factors in determining relationship success. While it may be easier to achieve these goals with a partner who is similar to you, it is absolutely possible even when significant differences exist. When couples make an effort to understand and appreciate their differences, they can turn what might be a problem or source of conflict into an asset for their partnership.

Couples with personality differences who find ways to support and understand each other often find their relationships especially rewarding. Partners with type differences are able to stimulate and challenge each other, and will learn from each other in a way that similar partners cannot. They can also make more effective teams because they are able to notice and compensate for each other's blind spots. Recognizing how your partner is thinking and appreciating the value of his or her perspective, whether or not it agrees with yours, is crucial to a successful relationship.

While compatibility research can be interesting and informative, it is important to remember that every relationship is individual, and every couple can learn better communication skills. When it comes to relationship satisfaction, the big three factors-communication, trust, and respect-can be achieved by any type combination.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/do-opposites-attract-compatibility-and-your-myers-briggs-personality-type-263482.html

About the Author

Molly Owens holds a B.A in Psychology and has completed graduate work in counseling. She founded PersonalityDesk to provide Myers Briggs personality tests and career tests online. Learn how to take the Myers Briggs Type Indicator test online at PersonalityDesk.com.

Healthy Relationship Program: Set Goals and Transform your Relationship

Author: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

Imagine your life without goals. That’s right: pretend you just wiped away every single goal imaginable—from the mundane sort like getting out of bed and brushing your teeth to the bigger variety, like making partner at the firm. I bet you can’t imagine it. Because without goals (the ones you consciously name and the ones you just carry out), our lives might feel like unstructured, amorphous stretches of time. Setting goals can direct, energize and motivate you. And meeting your goals is a tremendously rewarding experience.

Take a moment to jot down three goals that are important to you—things you want to achieve in your life.

Then think about which aspects of your life are most important to you—what you cherish most in life.

If you’re anything like the people I recently surveyed, then your goals include things like: making more money while working less, exercising more and losing weight (and keeping it off) and getting out of debt. Money and health topped the goal-setting list.

Then I asked these same individuals for a different type of list—a list of what they cherish most in life. Almost all discussed their relationship with their spouse or life partner. People and relationships topped the what’s-most-important-to-you list.

Relationship Goals are MIA:

Here’s what I find remarkable. The people I surveyed didn’t have any goals for what they cherish most in life—their relationship or marriage. When it comes to goal-setting, marriage is left at the curb. There’s a dangerous assumption lurking that a good relationship will take care of itself. The frequency of failed relationships tells us this assumption is dead wrong.

Your Relationship Roadmap: Create a vision

In order to create relationship goals, it’s important to have a vision that details the kind of spouse or partner you aspire to be as well as the type of relationship that is important to you and your partner—this picture should be consistent with your personal values. When your goals are out of sync with your values, you’ll find yourself stalled on the road to your relationship destination.

A set of relationship goals is a roadmap that lends direction to your relationship. If your relationship already meets your vision, then working to keep the relationship at this level can be your goal.

An exercise to help you create relationship goals:

Imagine that your partner has been hired to teach a class about you at UCLA. The syllabus is a written testament to the type of spouse or partner you’ve been throughout the history of your relationship. Not holding anything back, s/he will detail your strengths and weaknesses as a partner. The entire truth (as your partner sees it) will be unfurled for an eager audience motivated to learn all about you.

What do you imagine s/he will say about you?

Respond to this question as honestly as possible. If you find yourself resisting this exercise or focusing more on what you’d like your partner to say, you won’t establish any meaningful goals. Remember, this exercise is designed to help you take a realistic look at yourself as a partner, a necessary step in creating goals that will make a difference in your relationship or marriage. You will need to open yourself up to some truths that may sting. Take my word—it will be well worth it.

There’s relationship gold to be found in the gap:

There will be a gap between what you’d like your partner to convey in his/her lecture and what s/he would actually say. This gap contains valuable information that you’ll use to set up relationship goals. Keep in mind that establishing and reaching relationship goals means committing to changing your behavior. The focus should be on you and not what you believe your partner should do differently.

The guiding question is: How wide is this gap and what can you do to narrow it?

When you begin to take steps to answer this question, you start accumulating the information you need to create your relationship goals. Don’t rush this—it should be a process that you come back to over and over again.

Ready to discover more about relationship goal-setting and other practical ways to improve your relationship?

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/healthy-relationship-program-set-goals-and-transform-your-relationship-208066.html

About the Author

Find out how to create the relationship of your dreams: Sign up for the free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter at http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and immediately receive two FREE reports that will help you achieve your relationship potential.

Rich Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship.

Relationships and Poor Communication

Author: CD Mohatta

To communicate means to tell about our feelings, and our thoughts. When we communicate, our words may not say precisely what is in our mind, but when somebody takes our body language and words together, he/she can probably find out what we really want to communicate. Understanding communication and making communication is both an art and a science. But it is not very difficult to learn.

Relationships thrive on good communication. When both the partners know exactly what is in the other's mind, a relationship proceeds smoothly. For example, if a partner is lethargic and keeping quiet, that also communicates something. That has to be understood by the other partner. Once both the partners understand the hidden signs and the precise meaning of what is being said, they can develop a very healthy relationship. People feel good if some body understands them. They get irritated if somebody does not understand them. Irrespective of their own bad communication, they want people to understand them. Here lies the clue to communication and relationships.

Many relationships develop despite of poor communication in the beginning. The excitement of the partnership and the euphoric love make bad communication not very necessary to make the relationship cross the threshold. But after some time, as love thins down and cracks begin developing, the need for good communication increases substantially.

If you are facing a problem of bad communication with your partner, the best thing is to ask. Do not assume the meaning, but say, darling; I am not getting what you want to communicate. I am sorry, but please explain. Be sincere in your request. You must show that you really want to understand. Slowly the communication will begin improving. Good communication is important to sort out many issues that a couple faces in a relationship.

 

 

 

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/relationships-and-poor-communication-492171.html

About the Author

The author writes text and advises for content for myspace comments, myspace graphics and designs creative ideas for myspace layouts.

How to Maintain a Good Marriage Relationship?

Author: RyuC Chua

Everyone surely has had frustrating hair-pulling days before, whether you are married or not!

Have you ever wished for an extra pair of hands to do all the things you need to do? Be it clearing the laundry basket of its dirty clothes, cleaning the messy rooms, mopping the dirt-stained floor, putting away the toys, sending your children to school, or preparing meals for your family, an extra pair of hands would be nice!

On top of the above chores, if you are holding a job, I would sincerely empathize with you. The physical and mental pressure that you have to bear is definitely not small!

I can imagine that there are days whereby things just do not seem to go smoothly. The alarm clock did not ring when it is supposed to! You are late for a meeting with an important client! Your boss being not in a good mood, made things difficult for you throughout the day! The school called saying your child is having behavioural problems! You have to work over-time, and would not be in time to prepare dinner for your family. When you reached home, tons of household chores are waiting for you! To top it off, you have a difference in opinion with your husband over some mundane issues, with both of you ending up going to bed still angry and not speaking to each other! Wow! What a mess!

In a marriage, efforts have to be made to maintain and strengthen the relationship between husband and wife, or parent and child, just like a seedling needs to be watered for it to blossom. Yes, lots of things are easier said than done! However, if you are not even willing to give it a chance by putting in some effort, things will definitely stay the same!

Below are a few tips for maintaining a marriage relationship that I have gathered over fifteen years of personal experience. I do hope they work for you as well!

1.Sharing

To maintain a good marriage relationship requires a lot of SHARING. A load shared is a load halved. Vice-versa, happiness shared is happiness doubled! For example, if you can get your other half to do household chores together, both of you would be surprised that it could become time well-spent together, gaining a better knowledge of the habits, as well as the likes and dislikes of your spouse.

If your spouse received a piece of good news and shared it with you, it would be most appropriate for you to express your happiness for him/her with a simple hug or a kiss! With a little effort to celebrate in the form of a meal or a small gift, your relationship would be greatly improved.

2.Quality Communication

Quality communication comes about with patience, a listening ear and a sympathetic heart. I do understand that sometimes it is not easy to be patient with one another, especially after a hard day at work! Especially if there are also small kids around the house! However, remember the time when both of you were just getting to know each other? The efforts made then to try to present a good image in front of each other, and the willingness to listen so as to know each other better should also be practiced within a marriage. Try seeing things from his/her perspective, and you would realize that it is not hard to understand the behaviour of your spouse.

Of course, there would be days whereby you know that your patience has reached its limits. Then the best thing to do would be to take a breather from each other. Give each other some private space, then try approaching your loved one when you have cooled down. There is no point in continuing any discussion if both of you are heated up. Throwing ugly words at each other will only deepen your misunderstandings, and not solve any problems. Angry words hurt and leave its mark. Moreover, it will be impossible to take back what is said even if you want to later! So, do not do what you will regret later.

3.Respect

Everyone likes to be respected. Respect your spouse and you will be treated the same by your spouse. If you are married, there must be a couple of things about him/her that have made you agreed to the marriage in the first place. Do not be negative about things he/she likes just because it is not to your preference. Constant arguing will only worsen a marriage relationship. Try to find a mutual ground for compromise. Sometimes it helps to take a step back and look at things from a different angle.

Bear in mind to grasp every available opportunity to show that you care! Be it a cup of coffee in the morning, a call of concern during the workday, or a hug after work would work miracles for a marriage. Marriage is not the end, but the beginning of a long path of finding out more about your spouse, and learning to compromise and live with your differences in life. It is also about going through the ups and downs of life, as well as maturing together with your loved ones. Learn to appreciate the plain presence of your other half, and marriage life might not be as bad as you deem it to be!

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/how-to-maintain-a-good-marriage-relationship-373079.html

About the Author

RyuC Chua is a freelance writer. For more marriage related information, please visit http://www.mymarriageadvice.com

Communication, Commitment and Trust. the Three Corners of a Long Distance Relationship

Author: Leon Louw

The three corners of a long distance relationship.

Which one of the three corners of a triangle is the most important?

Or to put it another way, which one of the three can you take away in order to leave a triangle? Obviously, if you take out any one of them, your triangle will collapse. The same goes for a long distance relationship. It actually applies to any relationship, but I’ll show you why it’s so crucially important in a long distance relationship.

Communication

There is no such thing as a relationship without communication. If you want one-way communication, get yourself a potted plant. They’re also very good at one way communication. Some people even say their potted plants thrive when they talk to them. But there’s very few people that would admit their plants actually talk back to them.

Communication is such a basic part of every day life, that you’d think most people would be quite proficient at it. Breathing is an important part of everyday life, and most people seem to manage it quite fine, so communication should be a breeze shouldn’t it? (pun not intended) Guess again! Most people don’t know the first thing about communication.

What do you think is the single most common reason for marriages ending in divorce? Make your pick from the following: Infidelity (unfaithfulness), communication, violence, sexual problems, money problems, too busy lifestyle, or self-centeredness.

Apparently (I didn’t verify this statistic) fully 85% of marriages that end up in the divorce court, end because of a lack of communication. Looking at the list above, you will see that communication actually plays a part in most, if not all of the other factors. Whether or not you are married or just in a serious relationship doesn’t make the slightest difference here. Your relationship may not end up in a divorce court, but the reason for it breaking could be exactly the same.

Becoming a good communicator

It’s all fine and well that you now know communication is so very important, but what good does it do you if I don’t help you to communicate better? In order to help you, I’m going to show you a few basics of communication. People communicate differently due to various reasons, including, but not limited to:

- maturity

- sex

- culture

- temperament

Maturity

Your level of maturity is mirrored by your communication. I don’t mean you should sit around and complain about the good old days like old people, I just mean that you need to (at least some times) be able to have a good heart-to-heart discussion about important issues.

I can’t think how an immature person would handle a long distance relationship. If you are in a long distance relationship and you want it to work, you will have to handle it in a very mature way. This is especially important due to the fact that you are not together all the time. Your communication time is limited, so when you need to discuss serious matters, you can’t just shy away from it.

So what do you do if your partner isn’t mature? Well, luckily, maturity is something you can learn. People are born with a certain tendency towards maturity, but the more mature you act the more mature you will become. If your partner is serious about your relationship he will make it work. Sit down and have a mature discussion about it. This is sometimes one of those things that you just need to point out for the change to occur.

Sex

We all know men and women communicate differently, and I’m not just referring to the actual topics of the conversation. Men focus more on words and technicalities, whereas women focus more on tone of voice and body language. And that’s a pretty big generalization. Just remember, when you’re talking to somebody of the opposite sex that that person may interpret your meaning in a completely different way than what you initially intended. Be aware of that fact, and you can save yourself a world of trouble.

Culture

This is especially important for couples that are of different backgrounds. And I’m not just referring to different ethnic backgrounds. Even people from the same ethnic background, but different parts of the same country can have very different ways of communication.

You should never hide behind the fact that you’re from a different culture. What I mean is: If you know certain people find certain words offensive, even though where you come from they have different meanings, it doesn’t give you the right to abuse that fact. When communicating with your partner, always keep your backgrounds in consideration.

Temperament

You all know those people that seemingly get offended at everything? Or what about those people who seem to offend everybody with their style? Even though it’s also not something to hide behind, it’s probably a factor of their different personalities (temperaments). It’s a good idea, if you’re in a serious relationship, to find out exactly what personality type both you and your partner are. It will make communication so much easier. You will suddenly understand why, for example your partner misinterprets certain things you say, or why she sometimes seems so harsh on you.

Commitment

There really isn’t much to say about this. When you find somebody you really love, you WILL commit to that person. If you don’t, then your relationship is doomed from the start. There can be no relationship when there is no commitment. The moment an even remotely interesting third party shows up, your relationship will be down the drain if you haven’t committed to each other.

Commitment is something that you will have to work on. It builds heavily on the communication you have in your relationship, but also on trust. See why I say none of the three corners can be removed?

Trust

Let me just start of by saying this: Distrust is normal. Don’t feel like a terrible person just because you don’t always trust your partner. By the way; you thought your partner was great, so somebody else may just think the same way. But before you let trust – or the lack thereof – ruin your relationship, just ask yourself the following question: Why am I distrustful?

Do you have a valid reason for distrusting your partner? Really think about it for a while. If you both really love each other and are truly committed, why are you worrying? One of the main reasons to be distrustful is probably because of mass media. We’ve all seen movies, TV shows or have read books where the husband/wife comes home early only to find an untrustworthy partner in bed with someone else.

Does this really happen? Unfortunately it does. Does it happen nearly as often as we are made to believe? I’ve seen the Golden Gate Bridge being destroyed at least 5 times during the last 10 years. Funnily enough, it’s still standing; despite what Hollywood thinks should be happening. I’ve also seen at least 6 different attempts by aliens to take over or destroy the planet (some more humorous than others). I’ve still to see my first real alien – the green tentacled type, not the illegal immigrant type.

Suffice it to say this: Trust is like respect. The more you give, the more you will get. If you really trust your partner, it will show, and you will receive the trust back. You weren’t planning on cheating were you? Of course not, so trust you partner to do the same.

But here, once again, the three corners of the triangle will have to work together. I firmly believe that the more you communicate, and the more openly you communicate, the more you will learn to trust each other. And the more you trust each other the more committed you will be to each other. And the more committed you are, the more you will trust each other and communicate with each other.

I can carry on like this for a few more paragraphs until you are completely dizzy, but I’m certain you understand by now. If you feel you need to work on one of these points, you will have to work on all three of them.

 

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/communication-commitment-and-trust-the-three-corners-of-a-long-distance-relationship-698961.html

About the Author

Leon Louw is the author of Long Distance Relationship Secrets. It is an invaluable guide to couples that are in a long distance relationship. It provides them with tips, advice and guidance on how to overcome the troubles faced by a couple in a long distance relationship.
He has over three years experience of a long distance relationship himself, and he lives the life, not seeing his wife for 10 straight weeks at a time.

The information in here is a much scaled down version of what you will find in Long Distance Relationship Secrets and the accompanying bonuses (http://www.longdistancerelationshipsecrets.com). I am not a psychologist, nor do I have any formal training in relationship counseling. However, Long Distance Relationship Secrets, the bonuses, and the articles (http://www.longdistancerelationshipsecrets.com/articles.html) were all written from personal experience and after much research and discussion with experts in the field. As with all my writings, he/she, him/her, etc. are all to be seen as interchangeable, except where otherwise stated, or inferred from the text itself.

Please visit http://www.longdistancerelationshipsecrets.com/articles.html for more great free articles on long distance relationships.

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work for You

Author: Deborah Dixon

Long distance relationships can be just as successful as a relationship where the two people involved are together on a daily basis. Everyone is different and some adapt well to long distance relationships whereas others are unable to cope. It often comes down to your upbringing. Being raised in a close family where both parents were always about could mean that you won’t cope well to living a long way from your partner. Alternatively being brought up with only one parent or in a family where relatives were absent regularly, then you will probably handle a long distance relationship well. However a long distance relationship establishes it is down to both people involved to keep the relationship alive.

The two main factors in maintaining a healthy long distance relationships is, trust and communication. Without these your relationship will most certainly suffer. Trust pays a huge part in any relationship.  In a relationship without trust you usually have jealously. Trying to survive in a long distance relationship with jealousy and lack of trust is practically impossible. You will constantly be checking up on your partner, worrying about what they are doing and who they are doing things with. You may even find yourself being the partner being checked up on. Knowing your partner doesn’t trust you is disheartening, especially if you have given them no reason to do so. The last thing you want in a long distance relationship is interrogation; you need reassurance and affection instead.

Communication is vital for a long distance relationship to work. You must understand how each partner is feeling and try to resolve any issues. Ask your partner how they feel and ask about the future. Don’t be scared to ask questions, after all it is your relationship too. Knowing where you stand will help you to sort out your perspective for the future and prevent any confusion further down the line. Instead of assuming that you are exclusive to each other and that you will one day live together again or even for the first time, make sure you have discussed this, or you may find yourself waiting for that perfect relationship that just won’t happen.

During a long distance relationship make sure that you communicate on a regular basis, ideally on a daily basis. It isn’t always possible to talk on the phone everyday, but there are other ways to make contact. Send a text message, write a letter, send an email, send a recent photo and even send a present. Try to meet up as often as you can and once planned, stick to the arrangements. Sharing the same experience simultaneously is a great idea to make you feel closer, such as watching the same television programme or film; you can then discuss your viewings together afterwards. This is just one way to make it feel like you still have a connection together. Another idea is to stargaze at the same time, which in itself is romantic. Your aim is to keep the emotional connection alive and keep the relationship healthy.

Having a positive outlook on your long distance relationship will help you partner to stay positive and feel secure. If you are determined to make a long distance relationship work for you then there is no reason at all why distance between you and your partner can prevent your relationship from working; it is all about personal perspective, trust and good communication.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-make-a-long-distance-relationship-work-for-you-955484.html

About the Author

Deborah has been the head copy writer for Completely Free Dating for over 2 years offering help and advice to its members on all aspects of free dating. Completely Free Dating is a free online dating service for people living in the UK, with absolutely no charges to any member at any time for any service.

Six Ways to Fix a Breaking Long Distance Relationship

Author: Leon Louw

How do you get your love back when all seems lost?

I received the following question:

"My relationship was going well and then it plummeted. It was a long distance relationship but it was going so well and strong for 7 months and then crashed. I would give anything to get her back and I really need some advice."

This is just one example of countless questions I receive asking advice for basically the same problem. So how do you fix a relationship that has gone bad?

Go for the 6-point checklist

1. Go visit
If you really would do anything, I suggest you start by going to see your partner and try and work things out. Long distance relationships are hard, but don't let anybody ever tell you they can't work out. My girlfriend/wife and I were in a long distance relationship for more than three years, and we're in one again. It sucks big time, but it's definitely still worth it.

If there really are problems in your relationship, it's best to discuss it in person. Phone calls, Skype, webcams, etc. are all great resources that you can use to communicate, but real problems need real people to sort them out. Not people on computer screens or voices on the other side of telephones. This is not to say you can't work it out over the distance, so don't just give up yet. It's just easier in person.

2. Do some digging
Find out exactly what led to the (possible) breakup. Dig deep. If it's something one of you said, dig deeper still and find out what led to that being said. I would assume that you are not an inherently bad person, so if you said something bad, there must have been a reason for you to say it.

Don't stop digging once you've reached what looks like an answer. Maybe there's an even deeper level, something that happened a long time ago. And quite possibly, that something was a complete misunderstanding. It's happened to us a lot, and I don't think we're unique in that way.

3. Be brutally honest
You have to be brutally honest, both with yourself, and with your partner. Your digging will lead to some things you wouldn't want to know, both about yourself and your partner. You should be prepared for it. This is not the time for mud slinging. This is the time to be a couple. Couples stand together through everything and help each other. You need to admit to the things you find.

4. Admit your mistakes
Admit those mistakes that you've uncovered. Admitting mistakes isn't saying: "I was brought up this way, I can't change..." Admitting your mistakes means finding out what you've been doing wrong so far and actively doing something about it. This is where your partnership will be instrumental. You have work together with each other to come out better as a team on the other side. But don't stop at your partner. You should also use the help of friends and family. They may be even more brutally honest with you than your partner.

5. What are your plans?
Does your partner know that you have long term plans for your relationship? You do have long term plans don't you? Like maybe getting married eventually? If you're serious about making this relationship work, I would assume it's because you feel that there is a possibility of a long term relationship. Maybe if your partner knows that's the way you really feel you will get renewed energy and a renewed sense of direction in your relationship.

Seriously, I'll never tell you when to break a relationship. Only you can ever tell yourself that. But if you don't see a long term goal for your relationship, a long distance relationship is not your best option. Long distance relationships are harder work than normal relationships, so you have to have something to work for. In our case, as with many others, it was and is definitely worth it, no matter the distance, and no matter how long we are apart.

6. Make some sacrifices
You will have to make some sacrifices in your relationship, but weigh it up against the rewards, and eventually it's no sacrifice at all. As an example, I spent a lot of money during the course of our long distance relationship in order to visit Mari often enough. But I never saw our relationship in terms of a monetary value. What I got in return is something that no amount of money can ever buy.

Maybe your sacrifice is something else. Maybe you just need to spend less time doing something else you want to do, and spend more time on the phone with your partner. Or maybe you should take the plunge and look for a job closer to your partner. Even if it may mean that you will have to work for a lower salary.

Never just give up on your relationship without a fight (for the relationship that is, not a fight in the relationship). Every relationship goes through a bit of a rough patch from time to time. Long distance relationships are no different.

Best of luck

Leon

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/six-ways-to-fix-a-breaking-long-distance-relationship-721812.html

About the Author

Leon Louw is the author of Long Distance Relationship Secrets. It is an invaluable guide to couples that are in a long distance relationship. It provides them with tips, advice and guidance on how to overcome the troubles faced by a couple in a long distance relationship.
He has over three years experience of a long distance relationship himself, and he lives the life, not seeing his wife for 10 straight weeks at a time.

The information in these articles is a much scaled down version of what you will find in Long Distance Relationship Secrets (http://www.longdistancerelationshipsecrets.com) and the accompanying bonuses. I am not a psychologist, nor do I have any formal training in relationship counseling. However, Long Distance Relationship Secrets, the bonuses, and the articles (http://www.longdistancerelationshipsecrets.com/artivles.html) were all written from personal experience and after much research and discussion with experts in the field. As with all my writings, he/she, him/her, etc. are all to be seen as interchangeable, except where otherwise stated, or inferred from the text itself.

Improving Relationships Through Active Listening Skills

Author: Rajendra

Improving Relationships

Through Active Listening Skills

M. Sreenivas

M. Rajendra Prasad

The most important aspect of communication lies not in the speaking, but surprisingly in the listening. This is because that all perception is subjective and every word that we hear is filtered through our personal beliefs and values. Consequently, we can place an emotional meaning on an exchange that is unintended by the speaker.

Communication is a two-way process. However, whereas the speaker assumes that the listener is hearing what he intends to say, the listener has the power to clarify meaning and control the exchange. Unfortunately, people often are only half listening to a conversation and are distracted by other things. When they are listening carefully, they are biased in how they hear. No wonder, then, that interpersonal communication is a major problem area for people. We all have different ways of looking at the world and different experiences, which can interfere with how we "read" another person and interpret what is being said.

Communication problems are one of the biggest sources of relationship conflict and they can become so serious that complete relationship breakdown results. Often people don't listen attentively to one another.

Active listening is not about agreeing with someone, it is simply about understanding what the other person is trying to say. It is a structured approach to establishing true understanding in communication yet it can be conducted in a relaxed and informal way so that it flows naturally from the conversation itself. It involves listening, questioning and rephrasing to ensure that the message received is the same as the one intended to be given.

When we decide to listen actively to someone's words, we are choosing to be objective and distance ourselves from our own automatic responses. The way we hear someone, can have more to do with us than with the other person. Active listening, therefore, promotes both focused attention and objectivity.

Active listening is the process of focusing on what the speaker is saying and then saying it back in one's own words to ensure that accurate communication has occurred.

There are clear benefits to using active listening skills to enhance interpersonal communication and minimize conflict.

1. Active listening requires that you actually pay close attention to what the other person is saying. You cannot half listen to someone and at the same time be thinking of something else and expect to understand the other person's intentions. So by practicing active listening you choose to deliberately focus your attention on what someone is saying and how they are saying it.

2. It helps to avoid misunderstandings. The very practice of expressing back to someone what you believe they have said and even how you believe they are feeling about the topic can prevent misinterpretation.

3. It encourages openness and trust because the genuine intention of the hearer is to actually understand the intention of the speaker.

4. It encourages mutual understanding. A listener who is practicing active listening can also mirror back to the speaker the emotions that they think he or she is conveying by their words, attitude and body language.

5. It can be used for all forms of interpersonal communication.

6. It can improve communication in the workplace and thus enhance your career.

7. It can also be used to enhance personal relationships at all levels. You can learn active listening skills easily and improve them by practicing. The benefits of doing so will be enormous.

Interpersonal conflict involves a great deal of miscommunication. Each party can contradict the other person's interpretation of words and events while being equally confident that they are right and the other person is at the least mistaken, and at the most a liar. It is no wonder that such attitudes trigger defensiveness in the other person causing them to either fight back or stop trying.

The way that we perceive other people and what they are attempting to communicate to us is central to the success of our relationships. Once we understand that as listeners we have a large part to play in the success of the communication process, we realize the power of active listening to improve our relationships and change our lives. When both parties to a conversation commit themselves to the process of active listening, conflicts can be resolved and relationships can be strengthened.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/improving-relationships-through-active-listening-skills-207724.html

About the Author

M. Sreenivas
Asst. Professor
AIMS, Warangal - INDIA